(to read part 1 click: here 😊)
When I was 21 I got the opportunity to go back to Haiti in August of 2016. I had been teaching preschool full time for 3 years and I had a lot of the same questions in my heart that I had in 2013: I didn’t know what the future held and I was praying for wisdom and guidance.
I felt that I was at another cross-roads but I didn’t want to be led by my emotions and I wasn’t sure if this trip would be as impactful as the last. During that second trip I kept thinking over-and-over again: “Lord, what is this? Is this something that is not going to leave me? This longing and love for this community? Will I ever be the same or be able to move on?”
Listen, my dear brothers and sisters: Has not God chosen those who are poor in the eyes of the world to be rich in faith and to inherit the kingdom he promised those who love Him? - James 2:5
I walked away that week knowing in my soul that I would be back but I didn’t know how or when. When I got home I talked to my parents and they encouraged me to embrace patience because if it was the Lord’s will it would happen in His time. At the time I selfishly did not want to hear that but I knew it was necessary. Looking back I see God’s wisdom and purpose being worked out in it all. I needed to learn (and still am learning!) patience, surrender, and trust. I’ve learned that the work He has to do in our hearts is of far greater importance than anything we can do outwardly. A life surrendered to Him starts in the heart and continues in the heart.
No one who hopes in You
will ever be put to shame,
Show me Your ways, Lord,
teach me Your paths.
Guide me in Your truth and teach me,
for You are God my Savior,
and my hope is in You all day long.
– Psalm 25:3-5
My preschool class graduated in June of 2017 and the Lord provided me with a new, amazing job opportunity; thru a lot of change over the past 2 years I surrendered my dream to go back to Haiti because it seemed too far gone. I prayed that He would make it clear if it was in His will but I also doubted; thinking: “there’s no way I’ll be able to go back,” and “I should stop hoping in something that wasn’t meant to be.” But God has been so gracious to give clear guidance and answer specific prayer requests that my parents and I have been committing to Him over the last 2 years. On Tuesday I’ll be leaving to Haiti again for 3 weeks and I am so grateful and humbled. I am full of expectation and I cannot wait to see what Jesus is going to do thru this trip. ♥️
Since my first trip Jesus has been teaching me to get comfortable with stepping outside of my comfort zone.
I want to get comfortable with the discomfort of stepping into something bigger than myself, something that only God knows the outcome of. Something that scares me but causes my faith to grow. Something that requires risk and humility in saying “I don’t know where this’ll lead to but I’m saying yes and walking in faith one step at a time.”
Life is found in pouring out, when all I have to worry about is myself and my comfort, life is miserable. But He is constantly reminding me never to forget that He is the Source. He is the One who our fullness comes from. He is the Living Water, the Bread of Life, everything we need to face each day: He is strength and grace for whatever lies ahead.
The Christian life is not one of perfection or even striving towards perfection (and we do a great disservice to others when we act like it is) — it’s one of honesty, repentance and running towards Jesus. Every day I am faced with my old self: my pride and my selfishness. And every day Jesus reminds me that I am a new creation and that my old self is dead, buried, and I am alive in Him. That is the walk of the Christian: Freedom in Him, no longer bound by sin and self. Free to love Jesus and love others how He has loved us.
“The prayer is not asking that
I’ll be propelled into something bigger for this world.
The prayer is ‘reduce’
— Make me smaller.
Help me get out of my own way.” – Hannah Brencher