on the other side of risk.


Two months ago, on May 17th, I moved out of my first (rented) home. For two and a half years I called it home and grew so much over that time. I was 28 when I moved in and now am 31. Those walls hold so many memories of living on my own for the first time: I celebrated turning 29 with some of my closest friends around the dining room table. Became friends with the amazing girls I got to call roommates. Hosted movie nights. Celebrated my close friend Amisha’s bachelorette party in the living room. Emilio come over for dinner, we watched YouTube videos or listened to music afterwards. Ate tacos and watched shows with Liv & Josh. Spent nights with Delise, Brittany, Natalie in my small bedroom with the addition of a twin-size air mattress on the floor. Meals cooked and enjoyed on the porch. Many walks around the neighborhood and to Sola. Cozy nights in with a candle lit, dinner cooking and listening to music.

It’s not necessarily that I was sad to leave the house (although I love so much about it)—what made me most emotional was knowing that I was walking away from a very specific chapter in my life of ‘firsts’ and yet excited to walk into a new chapter of things I never thought I would do.

Moving out was a chapter that I had waited a long time for, but I also cherish the time I had with my brother and parents and am grateful for the timeline although some may look and call it “late.” Waiting and patience have been continuous themes in my life— two things that have bore so much fruit and have caused me to soak in and cherish God’s provision through each answered prayer. There’s so much peace knowing that God is orchestrating events behind the scenes, even when I question what He is doing.

Now, as I packed my first home, I’m stepping into a new adventure. Since 2021 I have spent a lot of time traveling and stepping outside of my comfort zone, going on group trips, planning trips in other countries and seeing more of the world. With that, I’ve always wanted to spend an extended time abroad to get a taste of living in another country for an extended time, not just vacation. The beginning of this year I started putting my belongings in storage and preparing to call Denmark, a country I had never visited, home for almost 11 weeks this summer. I didn’t have a lot planned but slowly started researching and making arrangements to figure out how I could live/stay there for that long.

As I write this now, from a cafe in Copenhagen, I can’t believe all that happened for me to get here, the support from my family and friends, and that I’m actually HERE now.

I’m not saying that what I’m experiencing is a unique or uncommon experience; in fact, I know so many people who moved away from home in their 20’s to create a new life in a new city—those stories have always inspired & amazed me. I was the girl who stayed did college locally & planted my roots close to home, something I wouldn’t trade for the world.

But, since turning 30, my perspective about risk and change has shifted a lot. For a long time change felt daunting, uncertain and overwhelming. In my early 20’s a lot of change happened that was out of my control which made me want to hold on tighter to things I could control, disclaimer: that’s not a healthy coping mechanism haha (I also think some of my tendencies to be risk averse and want to control outcomes also come from being the oldest child/eldest daughter…still working on that)

But now, as time has passed, I’ve accepted that change is a very necessary, unavoidable part of life. Whether the change is positive or negative it is an opportunity to grow in a new circumstances and challenges. God uses change to propel us into something that wasn’t possible before, to grow and change us.

Getting out of my comfort zone, doing hard things, traveling, and taking more risks has reminded me that I love problem solving, adjusting to a new surroundings, new routines and trying new things. It’s often the anticipation and build up before a big change is usually where I tend to overthink and get a little anxious. Where I hesitate and get a pit in my stomach that asks “What are you doing? Are you sure about this? Is this a good idea?”

I feel more aware than ever that I would rather try and fail than look back on my life and regret not taking risks when I had the chance. I know it’s so cliche but it’s so true. Life is short & I don’t want to spend it in my comfort zone, wondering what would’ve happened if I had trusted the Lord more or chased the dreams that were always in my heart. I would rather trust the Lord with change in my life and give my anxieties to Him than stay in my comfort zone where everything is predicable.

For too long I had an inaccurate view of God’s will where I was scared that one wrong move or wrong decision could ruin everything. That thinking came from such an inaccurate view of God’s heart and what His will actually is. So much of God’s will has to do with how we live:

Am we giving thanks? (1 thessalonians 5:18)
Am we prayerful? (colossians 4:2)
Am we seeking Him in faith? (hebrews 11:6)
Am we waiting on Him? (psalm 27:14)
Am we joyful in hope? (romans 12:12)
Am we trusting Him? (proverbs 3:5)
Am we resting in Him? (matthew 11:28)
Am we abiding in Him? (john 15:4)
Am we walking in the fruit of the Spirit? (galatians 5:22-23)

Those are just a few of the verses but for the believer, this is God’s will for us to be walking in no matter your job title, relationship status, or season you’re in.

What gifts and dreams do you have? Those are not there by accident! God placed those in your heart with a plan and a purpose to glorify Him in the way He created you! He is so sovereign that if you are going in a direction that isn’t for you He will make it clear and close doors. We plan our way while trusting that God is directing our steps (Proverbs 16:9). There is nothing more freeing or exciting than finding out the good works God has in store for you and why He made you with the passions, gifts and dreams you have (Ephesians 2:10). “I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for good and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope.” Jeremiah 29:11

Don’t let fear hold you back. “Do not fear” is one of the most repeated phrases in the Bible — I think that’s because God knows it holds us back from so much. 1 John 4:8 says “There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear…the person who is afraid has not been made perfect in love.” My prayer lately is that God’s love would drive out fear in me.

So here’s to embracing change, taking small steps of faith, trusting Him, letting go of fear and taking risks. Don’t let uncertainty hold you back. Take the leap and leave the results in God’s hands. Give yourself permission to change your mind and try something new. Life is literally a vapor, it’s so short—too short to spend it living in fear. Make the most of where you are while you wait on the Lord for where He’s bringing you next. God is bringing you somewhere and making you into someone beyond your understanding or comprehension. Trust Him and take the risk, there are truly no better arms to fall into <3


“to Him who is able to do exceedingly abundantly above all that we ask or think, according to the power that works in us” Ephesians 3:20

God created.


“in the beginning God created“

In Genesis 1:1 what is the FIRST thing we know about God? He creates. It’s literally the first sentence of the Bible. Our God loves to create: to make, shape, form… it’s Who He is. He is a creator.

Something that brings me so much joy in life is watching people create: using their passions, gifts and talents to put something beautiful into the world that makes people smile, feel, cry, laugh, dance. Whether it’s music, art, dance, cooking, decorating, writing, gardening, teaching, organizing, sewing, knitting, etc. the list goes on and on. Creativity is on display in so many ways in our daily lives. Every time I see someone working with their hands and leave something or someone better than how they found it I can’t help but see God. His character and image is seen in us when we create. Whether people acknowledge God in their work or not, we are made in His image: His fingerprint is stamped on us.

When we create we are doing the very first thing God did.

Now, obviously it’s not to the extent that He created, haha. In 7 days He created everything. We cannot create something out of nothing. But, think about it: God could’ve created everything and then made us without the desire to create. We could’ve just used the things He put on the earth without the skill set, desire, or knowledge to build or make new things out of what we have. But no! He made us to make and create, to continue doing what He did at the very beginning. I can’t help but smile, thinking about how happy it must make Him when He sees us enjoying what He’s created and creating things ourselves. It’s a reflection of who He is.

If you have a passion, something you’ve enjoyed doing but have been too busy, too distracted, or too discouraged to pick it back up: I hope this encourages to you. It doesn’t matter how good you feel you are; don’t compare yourself to others around you!

Maybe you’ve been curious to try something new but you don’t consider yourself to be a “creative” person or you’re embarrassed to be a beginner. Let this be your reminder that sometimes we don’t need to create for a certain outcome or result. Creating without the intention of posting, sharing and making content is so freeing! Sometimes we just need to pick it up, start and learn because God wants to teach us something in the process. Creativity has taught me to slow down, rest, recharge and enjoy the journey. Perfection is never the goal. I think creating itself is the joy and goal. There is so much value in doing what brings you joy and the reward of working with your hands. It is never a waste to create. And don’t let anyone (or yourself) tell you otherwise.

God’s creating didn’t stop in Genesis chapter 1 & 2. He is still a creator and creates around us everyday. He causes the sun to rise and set, painting the sky with beautiful colors. The flowers grow and bloom. The waves crash and the wind sings. He creates soft hearts out of hearts of stone. He makes us new creation. He writes stories of victory out of stories of defeat. He makes beauty from ashes. And He builds and restores lives that were once broken <3

“Do you not know?
Have you not heard?
The Lord is the everlasting God,
the Creator of the ends of the earth.
He will not grow tired or weary,
and His understanding no one can fathom.”
Isaiah 40:28

“create in me a clean heart”
Psalm 51:10

“therefore, if anyone is in Christ,
he is a new creation;
old things have passed away;
behold, all things have become new.”
2 Corinthians 5:17

“and provide for those who grieve in Zion—
to bestow on them a crown of beauty instead of ashes,
the oil of joy instead of mourning,
and a garment of praise instead of a spirit of despair.
They will be called oaks of righteousness, a planting of the Lord
for the display of His splendor.”
Isaiah 61:3

give thanks?


We all know gratitude is something that should be woven into the fabric of our days, not merely something we do once a year on a holiday, but because it’s been on the forefront of my mind here are some post-thanksgiving thoughts…

 A verse that always comes to mind concerning gratitude is 1 Thessalonians 5:18, which says: “In every thing give thanks: for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus concerning you.”

While I love that verse, I admit it’s not something I naturally live out… giving thanks, for every thing?? like, every thing…. What does that look like? How is that even possible?

I want to be thankful for the hard things, for the painful things, the losses, the tears, the stories that have yet to be finished, the relationships that have yet to be mended… but I can’t say I’m there yet. Am I supposed to be thankful for those things? As I’ve read that verse over and over, I’ve realized that I don’t think that’s exactly what it’s saying… hear me out.

Here’s something that stands out to me: it says IN every thing, give thanks. It doesn’t say FOR every thing give thanks… there are evil, dark, unjust, horrible things happening every moment. Tragedies, catastrophes, disease, war etc… I don’t think this verse is telling us to be thankful for everything. But I think it is saying that IN every thing, in every situation, we can find a reason to be thankful.

Why?? Because “we know that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.” (Romans 8:28) You see: God is not saying that everything that is happening is good, but He is saying that He will work all things FOR THE GOOD in our lives. That’s an important distinction that also displays the mercy of our Lord: how in the midst of such evil and pain we can have confidence, knowing that He is working FOR OUR GOOD. He has not forgotten or forsaken you, He is working, even when you can’t see it.

For some time I equated being thankful with being happy. I thought, in order to give thanks, I had to be happy for the things that were happening. If I didn’t feel joy or happiness then I thought I wasn’t truly thankful. But, now I’m seeing that you can still be thankful for the good God worked in a situation, while mourning and grieving the fact that it happened in the first place.

With that being said, I’ve found myself being thankful for different things this year… I’ve whispered “thank You Jesus” for things I never would’ve imagined I’d be thankful for five years ago. I’m thankful for things that didn’t happen…for timing that wasn’t right… for the waiting… for doors that were closed… for endings that broke my heart…

I want to clarify and say that I know I run the risk of sounding overly positive, attempting to romanticize things or see the world through rose colored glasses…but please know, that is not what I’m trying to do. I think one of the beautiful things about time, and how God uses it in our lives, is how it brings perspective. And that’s where I’m coming from: I’m realizing that the passing of days doesn’t lessen the impact of loss, but it does allow us to look back and see what has come out of such despair. To see things that would’ve never been possible without the valley. I don’t want to minimize the hurt or make it sound like you need to rush to see the beauty when you’re surrounded by ashes. Not at all. But I am saying that one day you will look down and see signs of life sprouting up from the same ground you swore would always be barren. If there’s anything I’ve seen my God do in the lives of those who love Him it’s the way He brings beauty out of something that was anything but beautiful. He brings hope to the hopeless. My faith is not in circumstances or an outcome, it is in the One Who I know will be with me through it all. It is the confidence and trust David spoke of in verse 4 of Psalm 23: “Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod and Your staff, they comfort me.”

There are still situations in my life that are full of uncertainty…things that I am not thankful for, but I want to be thankful IN these things because I know God does not waste our pain. Today I can say that I’m thankful God didn’t let me get my way. I’m thankful He didn’t let me follow my idea of what was good. I’m thankful for how He’s worked in my life and in my heart when all I saw was a dead end, a crushed dream, a broken heart, a “no” or a “not yet.” In spite of my unbelief and my doubt, He never left me.

For so long there were things I desired sooo bad, expectations I was holding onto so tightly with no intention of letting go. For a time I was so focused on things that weren’t happening in my life that I allowed them to gnaw away at my contentment and peace.

But, today? I’m able to look back and praise my Lord in the midst of the things that haven’t happened. I’m not perfect at it, and still struggle, but it’s a little easier. Now I can see: if things had happened the way I had wanted or expected, life would look sooo different today.

He’s slowly taught me to loosen the death grip on my expectations and surrender the timeline to Him. When He says “wait” it’s not because He’s withholding something good from me, it’s because He has something far greater and better than what I currently want for myself. I’m seeing His better plan unfold and I don’t take it for granted.

Without the closed doors I wouldn’t have been able to walk through the ones He opened for me. Without the endings I wouldn’t have experienced the new beginnings He’s writing.

Don’t get me wrong, there are things I’m still struggling to be thankful in. Things I know aren’t finished, stories God’s still writing. He’s not done yet, but I’m learning to be thankful in the hard things that I don’t understand and I want to praise Him in faith, before I see the ending.

Following Jesus has been the most freeing, joy-filled journey. I’m so grateful God’s plans were different than mine. Different than other’s plans for me. Day-to-day you don’t notice much change, and that can be frustrating, but one day you’ll look back and see how far He’s brought you, all He’s done, and the work He’s done IN you. He truly keeps surprising me and His plans are never boring. Knowing He’s always working behind the scenes is so exciting. He’s never sitting, baffled about what should happen next. He loves you, and His plans are not to harm you or destroy you.

Can I encourage you? If there are things in your life you’re looking at and could never imagine being thankful in: be honest. Be honest with God and ask Him to help you praise Him for what He’s doing that you cannot see. That’s something I want to be better at: I want to praise Him before I see the outcome or the victory. You probably won’t see it today, possibly not tomorrow…but in a year? in three years? In eight years? Who knows…one day you’ll look back and have a better perspective of what He was doing all along. Be sincere about what you’re struggling with. Be vulnerable and don’t try to hide your emotions from Him. He’s big enough to handle all your anger, doubt, frustration, disappointment…

If there’s anything He’s done in my heart: He’s infused it with so much hope. He’s brought people into my life whose stories are amazing who I never would’ve met if I’d had my way. Jesus has brought me people to increase my hope in Him: hope I could never fake or manufacture myself. He’s given me hope when I didn’t have hope for myself.

So, my challenge for myself and for you is to thank Him for the hard thing you’re in. The thing that hurt you, that you wouldn’t have picked to be written in your story. Because those are the VERY things He uses to display His glory and you would never have the chance to see such beauty without the ashes.

It’s only by His hand and His grace that we are here today. I want to spend every day thanking Him, in what I don’t understand and in what I can’t explain.

“He has sent Me [Jesus] to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”
Isaiah 61:1b-3

can i trust You?

it’s been a minute since i’ve been on here… honestly, it’s been hard for me to press “publish” on other drafts cause I feel like they’re only telling portions of a story I haven’t been ready to share about, until now… (insert dramatic music. jk)

To share what’s ahead does requires some backstory, so here we go…

The beginning of 2022 I had to end a relationship and it really crushed me. I was crushed, not because it had been long-term, but because I had such high hopes for how it would end (or I guess… not end). Breaking off that relationship was the last thing I wanted but knew I had to after seeing a pattern of dishonesty and distrust.

Walking out of that I felt disillusioned, confused and stuck. Stuck in every way and in every area of my life: physically, spiritually, mentally, and emotionally… and everything felt dark. Things I had always enjoyed felt empty and I did not feel like myself…I felt helpless. And I cried. A lot.

Through the care of my family, prayers my parents prayed behind closed doors, encouragement from friends, and God’s grace, Jesus pulled me out of that dark place. He was the light showing me the way out and He replaced my confusion with clarity. He brought people I barely knew, but are now close friends, into my life to hold my hand and help walk me out.

The “stuck” feeling that had defined me started to shift: Physically, I realized that I didn’t want to wait to do things that I had always envisioned doing once I was married. I started traveling with friends, taking trips on my own and was embracing the freedom and excitement of this time in my life. Emotionally, I was feeling like myself again and had moved past the regrets of that relationship. And mentally, I started going to therapy the beginning of 2023 after debating for a loonngg time whether or not I should go (little tip a friend shared with me: if you’re debating, that means you should go. Therapy has been a huge answer to prayer and it’s been one of the best *and hardest* decisions.)

But, one thing didn’t go away was a feeling of being spiritually stuck. It’s like I was numb. I had, pretty consciously, built a wall between me and God. I knew God loved me but, when I was brutally honest, I didn’t know if I could trust Him. My heart felt guarded and I was scared of anything that could cause a repeat of the kind of pain I had experienced.

During this time I was wrestling with some honest questions that were swirling in my head towards God: “Why didn’t You protect me from that hurt? Why did You allow me to pursue that relationship if You knew it would end that way? Don’t You know I already feel betrayed enough? My sister leaving, now this? Can I really trust You?”

I’ve struggled with trusting God, especially after walking through church hurt… In 2017 my family and I left a church we had gone to since I was 8 and had attended and served in for 15 years. Moral of that story, I’d encourage you to do research before attending or supporting Calvary Chapel Cary, here’s an article explaining only some of the reasons why: https://julieroys.com/calvary-chapel-pastor-addiction-abuse/. I still hear stories and am meeting people who have walked through the spiritual manipulation and neglect that is perpetuated by the “pastor” and leadership within those walls, 6 years later.

Experiencing betrayal, manipulation and deception in church, the very place that should be safe and free of those things, has caused me wrestle with God. Then, experiencing it in a relationship that I had such high hopes for, caused me to wonder if trusting God was safe, could He really be trusted? Wasn’t He supposed to be protecting my heart? Protecting me and my family? My sister? Not allowing these things to happen?

Any loving parent would do anything to keep their child from being hurt, right? So how could my Heavenly Father allow this?

I didn’t understand how He could allow me to start walking down a path that would end in a breakup or heartache… Couldn’t He just put a big “HURT AHEAD” warning sign at the start of the path so I could avoid it all together??

As I’ve been honest with these emotions, asking God what He was doing, I am learning one thing… He isn’t trying to bubble wrap my life to keep me from making mistakes or avoiding hurt and pain. For a long time I had thought that was His job.

A huge lightbulb went off for me when I realized that walking in faith doesn’t equate to avoiding hurt. Sometimes walking in His will means you will be betrayed (like He was) and experience pain. If my heart is broken or a situation ends unexpectedly, it isn’t because He’s abandoned me…no, He is with me, protecting me within the pain.

See, I mistook His protection as meaning I would be protected from hurt, protected from pain, and never experience them. But that’s not His protection at all. His protection is in the midst of the hurt and the trial. Whatever feels like it’s going to destroy me in the present, is working FOR ME eternally.

“For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory, while we do not look at the things which are seen, but at the things which are not seen.” 2 Cor 4:17-18

Looking back on that relationship, I prayed multiple times for God to reveal things about his character and, if there were red flags or things that needed to come to the light, I prayed for God to show me. And God did! Within 4 months I had my answer. But, when that answer wasn’t the one I had wanted, I was devastated.

God’s protection means that all these things (heartbreak, crushed expectations, confusion, betrayal, loss, pain, death, destruction, etc) don’t have the final word. What the enemy intends to destroy you, God redeems and purposes for good and growth in your life!  “But as for you, you meant evil against me; but God meant it for good, in order to bring it about as it is this day…” Genesis 50:20

When He says “No weapon formed against you shall prosper” (Isaiah 54:17) that doesn’t mean weapons won’t be formed…they simply won’t prosper!!

I’m also really glad that God doesn’t bubble wrap our lives. You see, we bubble wrap things because we’re afraid they could be broken. But, unlike us, God isn’t fearful and He doesn’t want us to be!! If He sees the end from the beginning and He’s not afraid, then I don’t have to be either!! He tells us that perfect love casts out all fear.

1 John 4:18 says “There is no fear in love, but perfect love casts out fear. For fear has to do with punishment, and whoever fears has not been perfected in love.” 

Walking with Jesus should give us SO much confidence: because we know that He has only good things for us (Romans 8:32). He will show us when we are settling for less or going the wrong way. When He loving asks us to surrender something (even if it’s something that seems good!) we can trust that it’s because He has better for us. Even when we question His judgement, or wonder why it has to be so painful, we know that He loves us and He works everything, especially the pain, to show us more of Himself and develop character, trust, and faith in us.

Life doesn’t come with a pain-free guarantee, even though we frequently do everything we can to avoid it. For too long I was scared to do anything because I thought that pain or unexpected outcomes were a consequence of doing something wrong. But then I realized that the Bible is full of examples of men and women who were in the middle of God’s will and they experienced hurt and pain. Jesus is the ultimate example of that! God’s perfect will and plan for Jesus was death on the cross. But what looked like destruction on the outside wasn’t the end of the story. Redemption came through His death; which tells us that when things need to die in our life God is still working and He is still redeeming.

My dad has recently been saying: “Don’t write a period where God has placed a comma.” And that’s so true. He’s not finished.

To end, Isaiah 61:1-3 sooo richly describes God’s purpose in sending Jesus:
“He has sent Me to heal the brokenhearted,
To proclaim liberty to the captives,
And the opening of the prison to those who are bound;
2 To proclaim the acceptable year of the Lord,
And the day of vengeance of our God;
To comfort all who mourn,
3 To console those who mourn in Zion,
To give them beauty for ashes,
The oil of joy for mourning,
The garment of praise for the spirit of heaviness;
That they may be called trees of righteousness,
The planting of the Lord, that He may be glorified.”

You see how that ends?!? THAT HE MAY BE GLORIFIED.

Jesus’ purpose was to glorify God and His death on the cross, the thing that brought Him the most pain, was a part of that. These verses don’t promise protection from a broken heart, from captivity, from mourning, from ashes, or from heaviness. But those verses DO promise JESUS amidst those things. HE is our healer, our freedom, the One who comforts, who consoles, our oil of joy, our garment of praise… we can be courageous, unafraid, and unmoved by the trials that tempt to sweep us away because our victory is IN HIM: “But thanks be to God, who gives us the victory through our Lord Jesus Christ.” 1 Cor. 15:57.

When we hear His Word, and walk in it, we will be like a house built on the rock, not on the shifting sand (Matthew 7:24-27). As the winds blow and the storms rage, may He be glorified cause He is our anchor, our firm foundation. <3

“We have this hope as an anchor for the soul, firm and secure. It enters the inner sanctuary behind the curtain, where our forerunner, Jesus, has entered on our behalf.” Hebrews 6:19-20a

“For the Lord your God is the One who goes with you to fight for you against your enemies to give you victory.” Deuteronomy 20:4