Book Review – the lovely unexpected

“The God I Love”

I just finished reading “The God I Love” which is an autobiography of the life of Joni Eareckson Tada. It is SUCH a good book. *spoilers ahead* If you’re not familiar with Joni’s story, here’s a quick background: she grew up in Maryland on an expansive farm where she was very active, always riding horses, swimming, and enjoying the outdoors. At the age of 17 she was at the lake with her sister and as she was diving into the water, hit her head on a rock. Tragically, as a result, Joni was paralyzed from the neck down.

She is incredibly honest about the struggle and immense wrestling she dealt with after her accident. She spent months and months in a hospital bed, undergoing surgeries and therapies, drowning in deep depression and in anguish thinking about the things she would no longer be able to do and the dreams she had that would never come to pass.

“[As I lay in my hospital bed] Panic seized me. ‘Please, I can’t live like a prisoner. I can’t live this way. … I have no hope, I have no hope, I have no hope.’ I [Joni] repeated. ‘You have to be up there; somebody better be up there…and You must, I know You must, care.’ ” pg. 180 & 181
“Half my problems in accepting life was watching my past wither and die as time wedged itself between my memories and me.” pg. 202

Joni shares how she prayed, begged, & believed for healing from paralysis and held onto scriptures like the one of the Jesus healing the man who was an invalid at the pool of Bethesda. Joni shares the disappointment and confusion she dealt with when the healing she prayed for didn’t come. As she continued to plead with the Lord for an answer she shares how the Lord has met her time and time again, comforting her, not dismissing her because of her doubts, but embracing her and leading her into deeper faith and trust amidst the suffering:

“Something was happening to me. I was caught up in God’s thoughts about me, not my thoughts about Him. I was lying in a stream of sunshine, consumed by His compassion for me, not by my anger and doubt about Him. My thoughts didn’t even matter now, only His did. Only His mind, His heart. And His mind and heart were communicating clearly: ‘Come unto Me, Let Me give you rest.’ Yes, yes. I need rest. I just want rest. Rest & peace.” pg. 183

Joni shares about her niece Kelly who, at 6-years old, was diagnosed with cancer. After an extensive surgery, Kelly was left partially paralyzed, leaving her wheelchair bound like her Aunt Joni. Joni says, “there were now 2 wheelchairs at the table: mine, adult sized and Kelly’s miniature one.” (pg. 203) One day Kelly looks up at Joni and lightheartedly remarks: “I like your wheelchair Aunt Joni! …I want one like yours when I grow up.” (pg 204) “I gulped hard,” Joni remembers: “[Kelly] didn’t seem to have a clue about the price one actually pays to join such a ‘club.’ She seemed to discount the pain, disappointment, and broken dreams. She utterly disregarded the dark side. To her, it wasn’t even worth considering.” (pg. 204)

“I was still bogged down by broken dreams. I still struggled with the dark side, that I didn’t quite know how to accept where I sat. Kelly’s sufferings had pushed her into the arms of Jesus and her gracious, openhearted way of embracing His will had cracked open heaven’s floodgates of blessing.” pg. 205

When Kelly went home to be with Jesus, Joni writes about reflecting on Kelly’s life and heaven:

“I had always acknowledged that heaven was a part of what it meant to be a Christian. Yet it had existed only a a part of the culture of my faith, more of a mental understanding than an actual realm that encroached on the present, infusing its power and hope into everything. I wanted greater faith, the kind described in Hebrews: Faith is being sure of what we hope for and certain of what we do not see. I wanted to be sure. To be hopeful. To be certain of something I couldn’t see. I needed faith that large to accept life in a wheelchair, to be enrolled in the fellowship of Christ’s suffering. My wheelchair was my chance to identify with Christ.” pg. 207

At one point in the book Joni is wrestling with the question that I believe we’ve all asked in one form or another: “Do things happen by chance?” Joni asks her Bible study leader, Steve: “Was my accident just that; an accident?” And I absolutely love the answer that he gives:

“Well Joni, let me ask you this: Do you think it was God’s will for Jesus to suffer? Think about this: it was Satan who entered Judas when he betrayed Jesus, surely the devil was behind the drunken soldiers beating Jesus and pulling out His beard. What about the mob that screamed for His blood? How can any of those be God’s will? Treason. Injustice. Torture. Murder. And yet, when we say that the cross was all a part of God’s plan, we forget that it included evil things like these. Acts 4:28 says ‘They (meaning Judas, Pilate, the mob, and the rest) did what Your power and will had decided beforehand should happen.‘ God didn’t take His hand off the wheel for one moment. He permits things He hates — really hates — to accomplish something He loves. The world’s worst murder became the world’s only salvation.” pg. 218

” ‘Joni, don’t regret that you prayed to get closer to God,’ said Steve, ‘It’s worth anything to know Him. Everything else is a loss in comparison…. Think of what your wheelchair is doing: it’s like a jackhammer breaking apart all your rocks of resistance. It’s sandblasting you to the core, obliterating all the pride and independence.’ … So often I had dared not believe that my wheelchair could be a passport to joy. Instead, I’d reigned in my hopes, bridled my heart, buckled up my thoughts and tied down my dreams. I would not let go; I would not be free. I wouldn’t release myself to believe that the joy of the Lord was big enough to enrapture and enthrall me, despite my lifeless, limp body. ‘You will never accept your wheelchair…’ Steve told me, ‘but you can embrace God.‘ Greater faith meant, not faith in my ability to accept a wheelchair, but faith to embrace Christ and trust Him BECAUSE of my sufferings.” excerpts from pg. 208 & 209

And with that revelation of the suffering Jesus endured and the price He paid on the cross, Joni realizes:

“Here was a God who understood my suffering.” pg. 184

“True wisdom is not found in being able to figure out why God allows tragedies to happen. True wisdom is found in trusting God when you can’t figure things out.” pg. 286

“We rant and rave against God for the evil we have to endure but hardly blink at the evil on our own hearts… I knew God was requiring me to make choices. He was revealing walls in my life He wanted to tear down: pride that raised its ugly head, the temptation to rehearse successes, my still fierce competitive spirit, the constant itch to have things my way… God Himself was breaking the iron grip of iron-rule-keeping. This was the God I was beginning to fall in love with: the One whose commandments were not burdensome; the One who was changing my heart.” pg. 265 & 277

As Joni continued to trust the Lord, He began to open doors and fulfill dreams that she had surrendered long ago. She has been able to travel the world serving the Lord and others and also joined Billy Graham as a speaker at his crusades on multiple occasions. In 1982 she was married to her husband Ken.

With much patience, Joni also learned how to paint using a paintbrush in her mouth and is an incredible artist!

Joni helped begin a ministry called Joni & Friends that equips churches around the world to serve those with disabilities and they share the gospel while also providing those living with disabilities with wheelchairs, support, resources, and assistance. When she started traveling the world she began to realize the difference between the christianity she witnessed in America and the christianity she experienced in persecuted, communist, and third-world countries. This excerpt really hit home:

“In the West, we think God exists to make our lives happy, more meaningful & trouble-free. Suffering is a hateful word & we’ll do anything to eradicate, medicate, circumvent, or divorce it…. But I’ve learned that maybe the truly handicapped people are the ones who don’t need God as much… the weaker we are the harder we must lean on God, and the harder we lean on Him the stronger we discover Him to be.” pg. 299 & 302

” ‘LORD, please keep Your everlasting arms underneath me. Please give me strength to hope; not that I’ll get better but that You are enough. I need hope that you are enough.’ Jesus died on the cross for my sins; that I knew. Now I must take up my cross and die to sin. Die to any hollow, casual trust in God. Die to faithlessness, to every doubt & fear, to all anxiety and worry. To having control and assuming that my trials should fit neatly into my planner, that God should space them out in moderate doses. Die to my pride and self-sufficiency, to self-resourcefulness, and self-reliance. Die to self: me, me, me, me.” pg. 315

"The truly handicapped among us are those who start their mornings on automatic cruise control, without needing God. But He gives strength to all who cry to Him for help. So, who are the weak & needy? Who are those who need His help? It's you. It's me." pg. 352

“The God I Love” was released in 2003 and was written during a time when the world was reeling after the terrorist attacks of September 11th, 2001. Reading it now, in 2020, Joni’s description of the world as being “vulnerable, fragile, and unsafe” sounded so familiar with the pandemic happening around us today. The desperation in our world hasn’t changed, and more than ever people are searching for a foundation that does not shake. In Jesus we have hope, joy, and peace amidst suffering.

"Never have the lines between the forces of darkness and light, of good and evil, seemed so clear. Never has the world, battered and bruised as it is, seemed so vulnerable, so fragile. So unsafe." pg. 354

As I’ve read about Joni’s life the verse that comes to mind is 2 Corinthians 4:16-18:

“Therefore we do not lose heart.
Even though our outward man is perishing,
yet the inward man is being renewed day by day.
For our light affliction, which is but for a moment,
is working for us a far more exceeding
and eternal weight of glory.”

There’s an infectious joy, peace, and love that Joni exudes when she writes and shares. She talks about Jesus like He’s her best friend, because He is. She ends the book with these 2 quotes:

“LORD, Your ‘no’ answer to physical healing meant ‘yes’ to a deeper healing; a better one. Your answer has bound me to other believers and taught me so much about myself. It’s purged sin from my life, it’s strengthened my commitment to You, & caused me to depend on Your grace. Your wiser, deeper answer has stretched my hope, refined my faith, and helped me to know You better. And You are good. You are so good…
I know I wouldn’t love, trust, or know You; were it not for this wheelchair.” pg. 356

“I thank Him for the wiser choice, the better answer, the harder yet richer path… This is the God I love: the Peacemaker, Answer to all our deepest longings, Answer to all our fears, Man of Sorrows and Lord of joy, always permitting what He hates to accomplish something He loves. He has brought me here so I can declare that: ‘Yes. There are more important things in life than walking.’ ” pg. 357

“In this world you will have trouble.
But take heart!
I have overcome the world.”
John 16:33

the One who gave all

“But now in Christ Jesus you who once were far away have been brought near by the blood of Christ.” –Ephesians 2:13

I’ve been revising a book I read last year & wanted to share a portion that has stood out to me; especially in light of today being Good Friday. May it remind you of Jesus’ great love & lead you to be in awe of His sacrifice ♥

The excerpts below are taken from pages 33 thru 39 of
“True Worshippers: Seeking What Matters to God” by Bob Kauflin.

“The first couple lived in a world ablaze with God’s presence & glory. Adam & Eve instinctively knew why they had been made. They breathed, ate, slept, played & labored to exalt the goodness & greatness of God. There was no need to exhort human beings to worship — their entire existence revolved around the God who had made them. When they ate the forbidden fruit their worship was redirected. Duped by a serpent, they rejected the gift of worshipping God and chose to worship themselves.
… the Old Testament ends not with jubilant celebration but with the painful realization that all our efforts to bring glory to God result in failure and condemnation [and yet] God continues to invite & pursue. Our inability and God’s grace are on full display. Diety becomes dust, the Maker becomes the maligned, the Creator becomes the cursed. God comes in Christ to restore the relationship that was rejected in the garden. We learn that the greatest gift God gives us is Himself.
… Jesus provides the ultimate statement that He will provide a way for us to worship Him; not only in this life but for all eternity.
Where our offerings are tainted with self-reliance and self-exultation, Jesus empties Himself to bring glory to His Father on our behalf. Jesus’s perfect life, substitutionary death on the cross, physical resurrection, & glorious ascension accuse once and for all that those who trust Him can be numbered among the worshippers of God. … In His sovereign mercy, I turned out to be one of them.
Jesus came to die in my place to give me a gift. Not something I had to earn, prove myself worthy of, or labor to keep. A gift.

He cried out “My God, My God, why have you forsaken me?” so I would never have to.

Worship never begins with us; it is always a response to the truth. It flows out of an understanding of who God is and what He has done for us in Christ. It begins with His revelation & redemption. ♥”

Fear.

“I was constantly afraid that God was holding out two options & asking me to choose the better one.”

“I think we either lean in close and risk it all or we stay ruled by the fear of losing” -pg 168

In June I read “Come Matter Here” by Hannah Brencher. She talks a lot about the fear and anxiety that comes with change or the prospect of change. Maybe you can relate to thinking of all the reasons something could never work out or why the thing you’re dreaming for could never really happen. Or the fear that overtakes you when what you hoped for begins to happen and you freeze, asking “Wait. Is this really what I wanted?”

Jesus has just been reminding me to listen to His voice & let truth silence the lies. He has a story so much greater for you: don’t let fear steal it.

“There is so much good in sticking with something and not giving up. I hope you learn that faith isn’t a thing to check off a list; it’s a lifelong pursuit. Don’t run from this stuff; run towards it with everything you have. While I don’t hope that something comes along to break your heart I know it inevitably will.  And so, when the storm kits and the darkness tries to win I hope you remember that your spirit is made of something thick and durable. You’re a fighter, and no one gets to take that from you. That darkness doesn’t get to have you. I hope you never get too scared to speak out your story. Your story isn’t a burden; it’s a healing balm.. May God use it to fix and restore; encourage and revive." -H.B. pg 232

If we are not renewing our minds in the truth of God’s Word, allowing it to transform us, we will continue in the same comfortable, unhealthy patterns.

“Usher in hope where fear wants to stand.” - H.B. pg 47

I recently read John chapter 3 when Jesus is talking to Nicodemus; in their conversation Jesus repeatedly says, “I tell you the truth.” Jesus is challenging everything Nicodemus knew or presupposed about Him but ultimately it comes down to a choice for Nicodemus: he could fall back on what he had always known and reject Jesus’ words or choose to believe the truth about Jesus and follow Him.

“Life isn’t about the destinations  we can boast about getting to; it’s about all the walking in between that feels pointless when you try to take a picture of it because no one will understand it like you do. It’s the in between stuff that fleshes out a story: gives it guts and transformation.” -H.B. pg 31

Everyday I am faced with the same decision: Will I allow the same lie to play over in my mind on repeat? Will I turn back to fear because it’s what I’ve done all along and the prospect of change is scary?

“Maybe you’ve been in my spot before...It’s the moment when you had really high expectations for something and it just didn’t work out the way you thought it would. You did your best, but you feel like God has other plans and maybe you weren’t prepared for that. I am learning that God doesn’t bring us places to meet our expectations. For Him, it’s a lot more about transformation.” -H.B. pg 71

No matter the lie fear is telling me & no matter how I feel, who Jesus is does not and will not change. I have the choice to listen to His voice, renew my mind in the truth, and let Him remind me of who He is and who He created me to be. And I pray you will choose the same.

“For years, I was consumed by what it would mean to “matter” in this world. To people. To someone special. To God.

I think we’ve all felt that. We want to know that our lives matter, that this isn’t some crazy accident we all got stuck inside of. I started to chase after whatever the world told me mattered. Success. Acclaim. Love. Happiness. I became obsessed with this idea of “getting there,” wherever “there” was. I was in a constant state of waiting to arrive somewhere better.

I didn’t know yet that all the good things—like faith, love, trust—don’t happen overnight. You can’t pick them up from the drive-thru or snag them in an instant download. It’s easier to run after the next thing the world tells you matters. It’s easier to never do the hard work of planting your roots or letting people in as you grab your suitcase and run hard toward “the next thing.”— But when you get tired of running, there’s a better story waiting to begin. I promise, it’s better. Yet there’s a catch: you’ll just have to stick around long enough. You’ll have to dig in and do the work—the work that happens in the here and now.” -H.B. pg 16

“Just be here now. You are going to miss life if you keep asking me if you are in the right place.”

Crazy Love

“Our goal as people who follow Christ should be no less than becoming people who are madly in love with God.”

“God wants us to trust Him with abandon. He wants to show us how He works and cares for us. He wants to be our refuge.” – Crazy Love by Francis Chan

Yes, this book came out in 2008 (10 years ago?!) and I just read it for the 1st time last month… but: Whew. It’s good. Francis Chan writes about the love of God and the way our lives would look if we truly lived out the words of Jesus and lived as He intended us to. God did not send His Son so we could simply sit in pews and listen to “good sermons” week after week; lives wasted in useless routine. Those have a place of importance but they do not bring salvation or a relationship with Jesus. Following Jesus & looking like Him is not burdensome but is natural and a mere overflow—not a checkbox on a list—when we are consumed and motivated His ever faithful, gracious, never-failing love. I remember when I stopped looking at church, Jesus, and the Bible as a set of rules and it completely changed my whole perspective. I realized that God created joy and has called us to a life of abundant purpose in Him: not in material, temporary wealth. He doesn’t keep us from enjoyment, He gives us boundaries so we can enjoy Himself & His blessings to the fullest. 1 John 5:3-4 says: “For this is the love of God, that we keep His commandments. And His commandments are not burdensome. For everyone who has been born of God overcomes the world. And this is the victory that has overcome the world—our faith.”

Self-sacrifice, faith, love and joy will define our daily lives when we have a clear view of Christ & His love. Thru reading this book, these are a few questions I was challenged to ask myself:

In what areas in my life am I actively walking by faith?
What am I doing to reach out to those who I typically wouldn’t?
Am I seeking my own safety and comfort more than God’s design and will for my life?
How am I practically, daily laying my life down for others?
What risks am I taking, trusting that God will guide and provide?
What places in my heart and mind have grown apathetic and complacent?

These are questions I know I’ll be asking for the rest of my life and I’m grateful for books like these that reveal places in my heart where I’ve been holding onto pride, selfishness and unbelief. Definitely a book I see myself picking up again in the future. Here are my favorite quotes:

“There are reason that we are where we are and who we are—they aren’t random. It is the same with joy in our lives. We tend to think of joy as something that ebbs sand flows depending on the day or season of life we’re in. But joy is something that doesn’t come and go; it is something we must choose and work for. It needs cultivation. When life gets painful or something doesn’t go as we hoped, it’s normal for a bit of our joy to slip away. But the Bible teaches that true joy is formed in the midst of the difficult seasons of life. — A person who is obsessed with Jesus is more concerned with their character than their comfort. Those who are overwhelmed by God’s love know that true joy does not depend on environment or circumstances. It is a gift that must be CHOSEN and CULTIVATED; a gift that ultimately comes from God.”

“The American church loves to make celebrities of their saints. To make the stories known of humble people who serve Christ faithfully. There can be a tragic consequence to this: too many people fall for the praise and start to believe that they really are something special. It’s pride. Plain & simple, that keeps me from giving God all the glory and keeping some of it for myself.”

“People who are obsessed with God are raw & honest before Him. They do not attempt to mask the ugliness of their sin or failure…they know God is their refuge, a safe place, where they can be at peace.”

“Awhile back I had a free evening and had the idea to go to the store and buy some items for those in need. It was a good idea and something I wanted my life to be characterized by, but it was embarrassing because I realized that everyone I knew had enough. I didn’t know many people who were true in need & I needed to change that. I needed to go and intentionally meet those who don’t live like me, think like I do, & who could never repay me. Most people think about life on earth way too much—all our time, energy, and money is channeled on that which is temporary. When Christians sacrifice & give wildly to the poor, that is truly a light that glimmers. When people gladly sacrifice their time or comfort or home it is obvious that they trust in the promises of God. People who are obsessed with Jesus live lives that connect them with the poor in some way—Jesus talked about money & the poor so often because it is really important to Him.”

“‘What are you doing right now that requires faith?’—That question affected me deeply because at that time I could think of nothing in my life that required faith. I probably wouldn’t be living very differently if I didn’t believe in God. My life was neither ordered nor affected by my faith like I had assumed it was. Furthermore: when I looked around, I realized that I was surrounded by people who lived the same way I did. Life is comfortable when you separate yourself from people who are different from you. That epitomizes what my life was like: characterized by comfort. But God doesn’t call us to comfort. He calls us to trust Him so completely that we are unafraid to put ourselves in situations where we will be in trouble if He doesn’t come thru.”

“It ought to be the business of everyday to prepare for our final day.”

“The concept of downsizing so that others might upgrade is Biblical, beautiful…and nearly unheard of today. Dare to imagine what it would mean for you to take the words of Jesus seriously. Dare to imagine your own children in poverty…dare to believe that those really are your brothers and sisters.”

“We are loaded down with too many good things, more than we could ever need, while others are desperate for water & their next meal. The good things we hoard are more than just money: we hoard our time, resources, gifts, families, and friends. When we begin the practice of regular giving we see how ludicrous it is to hold onto the abundance God has given us and merely repeat the words ‘thank you.’”

“There is more to faith than friendliness, politeness, or even kindness. I think that we sometimes assume that because we are nice people, people will know that we are Christians and want to know more about Jesus. [the great commission, our call and purpose is not simply to be nice] True faith is loving a person after they have hurt you: that love and faith is incomprehensible to the world. Who has hurt you? Who do you avoid? Who avoids you? Am I willing to do good to those people? To reach out to them?”