“‘I am afraid,’ she said ‘I have been told that if you really love someone you give that loved one the power to hurt and pain you in a way nothing else can’…’To love does mean to put yourself into the power of the loved one and to become very vulnerable to pain, and you are very Much-Afraid of pain, are you not?’ ‘Yes, very much afraid of it’ she replied, shamefacedly. ‘But it is so happy to love, even if you are not loved in return. There is pain too certainly, but Love does not think that very significant.’” (pg 11)
“O Shepherd, when you said that love and pain go together…how truly You spoke.” (pg. 36)
What is your greatest fear? Can you relate to weighing pro’s and con’s only to allow fear to paralyze you from making a decision? What fears have you faced? Fear of the unknown? Fear of rejection? I’ve been asking myself: what have I grown so accustomed to living in fear of that it’s become a part of who I am, that I’ve stopped fighting against and have accepted as “normal.” What is this fear holding me back from? Who would I be and where would I be if it no longer bound me? What if I was completely free from fear…. ?
“You, my Lord, never regarded me as I actually was, lame and weak and crooked and cowardly. You saw me as I would be. You always treated me with the same love and graciousness as though I were a queen already and not wretched little Much-Afraid.” (pg 230)
Near the end of 2016 I was sitting in a circle with girls from church and we were discussing this topic of fear. When it was my turn to confess my greatest fear I responded: “Losing those I love.” Not knowing all the changes that would take place in my life in 2017, I know look back and know that God knew my greatest fear and that I needed to surrender it to Him. In 2017 one of my dear friends from that circle looked at me in the eyes and said: “Do you remember what your greatest fear was?” I nodded. And I took it as her saying: “You’re still here. You’re walking through your greatest fear. God’s holding you and He’s in control.”
“Will you suffer yourself to lose or be deprived of all that you have gained on this journey to the High Places? Will you go down this path of forgiveness into the valley of loss, just because it is the way that I have chosen for you? Will you trust and still love me?” (pg 161)
“Every circumstance in life, no matter how crooked and distorted and ugly it appears to be, if it is reacted to in love and forgiveness and obedience to Your will, can be transformed..that is the only real satisfactory way of dealing with evil: not simply binding it so it cannot work harm, but whenever possible: overcoming it with good.” (pg 230)
Fast forward to January 2018 and I’m reading “Hinds Feet on High Places”—a book about a girl named “Much-Afraid” whose fear has crippled and deformed her, she then meets the Shepherd (Jesus) who promises to transform her and make her as the deer who leap without fear as they follow Him. During her journey Suffering and Sorrow join as her companions and Much-Afraid learns to embrace them as an essential part of the journey.
“It is only up on the High Places of Love that anyone can receive the power to pour themselves down in an utter abandonment of self-giving…I never knew before, that the Valley is such a beautiful place and so full of song.” (pg. 47)
I’ve also been listening to a podcast called “Going Scared,” where women share their stories of courage and emphasize that courage is not the absence of fear but rather is going despite of your fears.
“Remember also that it is always safe to obey My voice, even if it seems to call you to a paths which look impossible or even crazy.” (pg 80)
So I’ve been thinking again…what do I fear?
“He will never be content until He makes me what He is determined I ought to be. I wonder what He plans to do next and if it will hurt very much indeed?” (pg 166)
“Always go forward along the path of obedience as far as you know it until I intervene, even if it seems to be leading you where you fear I could never mean you to go.” (pg 175)
At the root of all my fear is unbelief and a lack of trust in God. While reading “Hinds Feet on High Places” I saw myself in Much-Afraid & I can relate to the way her fears crippled her. And I remind myself that in reality, I have no reason to be afraid: when I focus on Christ & His promises–I know He will take care of me. I know He’s going to guide me, even though the path seems unclear at times. I can cast all my cares & fears on Him, because He cares for me. Don’t forget that He cares. He really, truly does. You can trust your greatest fear in His hands: He does not promise that you’ll never face it, it simply promises that He will be with you. And that is enough.
“She marveled at the grace, love, tenderness, and patience which had led, trained, guarded, and kept poor faltering Much-Afraid, which had not allowed her to turn back, and which had now changed all her trials into glory.” (pg 217)
“Because He is with me, I will fear no evil, what can man do to me?” Psalm 118:6
“Even though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil, for You are with me; Your rod & Your staff they comfort me.” Psalm 23:4
“The Lord is my light & my salvation, whom shall I fear?” Psalm 27:1
“I sought the LORD, and He answered me; He delivered me from all my fears.” Psalm 34:4
“All she can do is to gasp with wonder, awe and thanksgiving and to long with all her heart to go higher and to see and to understand more…how little she had imagined, when first she set out on that strange journey, what lay ahead of her & the things that she would be called to pass through. So for a long time she sat silent — remembering, wondering, & thankful.” (pg 226&229)