May my meditation be pleasing to Him, as I rejoice in the Lord. Psalm 104:34
I remember when Jesus was a checklist: a row of boxes I believed I had to check to avoid consequences and keep from “getting in trouble.” I knew how to do things, but I was exhausted. I could hide it from others but I knew that I had no love or joy in my heart. I couldn’t escape the shallow emptiness & everything I did flowed from a dry, withering heart that was trying to disguise it’s thirst.
In all my fleshly might I was trying to do the right things so God would be pleased but I was missing His heart and I didn’t realize that He had so much better for me. I was settling for guilt and religion while all along He stood there; offering me Himself: standing with arms open, hands and heart full of grace and forgiveness . I thought I could earn my way to a close, fruitful relationship with Him and I failed to realize that He right there: standing right next to me the whole time. I think about how much that must’ve broken His heart. To see me thinking I could earn what He died to freely give.
Thru that season God showed me that my actions were a result of a poor understanding and misconception of who He truly is. Like Paul said; the pursuit and call of our lives is “that I may know Him…” (Phil 3:10) As we rest and rejoice in who He is everything else becomes an outpouring: a response and expression of our gratitude. No longer a box to check.
That season taught me so much. It also serves as a reference so that when I find myself falling into old patterns, working out of my own strength or with insincere motives I am reminded that Jesus has so much better:
I was not made to work; I was made to abide.
I was not made to strive; I was created to rest.
I was not made to earn; I was designed to worship.
As we rest and rejoice in Jesus we find ourselves pushing onward (Phil 3:12) & running forward towards Him (1 Cor 9:24)—because He is our exceedingly great reward (Gen 15:1).
Choose Him; the One who can never be taken from you.
“Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom; teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.” Colossians 3:16