Category: When life is hard

“If you can’t see His way past the tears, trust His heart.”
― Charles Spurgeon

hopeful or hardened hearts


“Having a soft heart in a cruel world is courage, not weakness.”
— Katherine Henson

You wanna know a miracle I’ve overlooked my whole life, until recently? The miracle of keeping a hopeful heart in a hardened world.

Have you ever felt yourself growing cynical or complacent as a response to hurt? Maybe your hopes have been crushed and you don’t want to pick up the shattered pieces… Has it ever felt more painful to hope so you’re tempted to stop all together?

Lately God has placed people in my life who have shared their stories with me and each time I’ve walked away thinking: “if they kept going, so can I.” While hearing their experiences I would think to myself: “After what you walked through I may have quit: on church, on people, on relationships… I would’ve put up walls and hardened my heart.” But, they didn’t, and God is working in their lives in ways they never would’ve seen if they had quit and now their lives are preaching a louder sermon than any pastor could.

I really love how the New Living Translation puts Ezekiel 36:26 “I will give you a new heart & I will put a new spirit in you. I will take out your stony, stubborn heart & give you a tender, responsive heart.” Notice how it’s GOD who gives us a new heart; it’s something we’re incapable of giving ourselves. He must do it. Our hearts are naturally stubborn and hard; He is the One who gives us a soft & responsive heart.

I’ve repeated this prayer a lot lately: “Lord, keep my heart soft. Keep me responsive. Keep me hopeful.”

I love how God often works the opposite of how we may expect… In the world suffering is a reason to give up hope; but Paul tells believers that HOPE is a BYPRODUCT of our suffering in Romans 5:3-4: “We also glory in our sufferings, because we know that suffering produces perseverance; perseverance, character; and character, hope.”

Has hope ever felt futile or pointless? Like you don’t even want to share what you’re hoping for because you feel ashamed? The next verse in Romans 5 says “And HOPE DOES NOT PUT US TO SHAME, because God’s love has been poured out into our hearts through the Holy Spirit, who has been given to us.” Psalm 25:3 reiterates this point that “no one who hopes in You will ever be put to shame…” Although the world may mock or misunderstand, you will never but put to shame as long as your hope is in Jesus.

If you have (or are) struggling to hope don’t forget that hope requires POWER from the Holy Spirit, it’s not something that always comes naturally. In Romans 15:13, Paul says “May the God of hope fill you with all joy and peace as you trust in Him, so that you may overflow with hope by the power of the Holy Spirit.” Everything in this world will make you hopeless & cynical. But IN CHRIST, by the power of the Holy Spirit, we have a hope that remains when all else fails. Our hope is in heaven and nothing on this earth will ever satisfy the hope only heaven can fill.

Sometimes hope can feel as natural as breathing,
other times it can feel like a weight you’re forced to carry
that leaves you struggling for air.

Today, whether hope comes easily for you or it feels like it requires all the effort you have, I pray you’re reminded that our hope is not in vain and it is not an empty expectation. Our faith is in the ONE who will forever be faithful, who will fulfill every promise He’s ever made. When you’re tempted to give up and you feel circumstances choking the hope out of your heart, don’t forget that our Hope has a Name. Christians have the hope that one day we will be face-to-face with Jesus, the One our weary hearts are longing for.

“Be joyful in hope,
patient in affliction,
faithful in prayer.”
– Romans 12:12

“while we wait for the blessed hope—
the appearing of the glory of our
great God and Savior, Jesus Christ,” – Titus 2:13

“Let us hold unswervingly to the hope we profess,
for He who promised is faithful.” – Hebrews 10:23

“To love at all is to be vulnerable. Love anything & your heart will be wrung & possibly broken. If you want to make sure of keeping it intact you must give it to no one… Wrap it carefully round with hobbies and little luxuries; avoid all entanglements. Lock it up safe in the casket or coffin of your selfishness. But in that casket, safe, dark, motionless, airless, it will change. It will not be broken; it will become unbreakable, impenetrable, irredeemable. To love is to be vulnerable.” – C.S. Lewis

honesty & healing


It’s been a bit since I’ve written on here — it’s mostly because I’ve just been processing, trying to figure out what to say… and what not to. But what keeps coming to my mind is that I don’t have to wait until I have it all together to sit down and write. It’s ok to sit—broken, unsure—and write what I’m learning in the middle.

I like to have things “put together” — I’d prefer to share once I have the testimony from the “other side” with the happy ending, healed heart, and a bow to tie on top. I like having the lesson learned, but it’s hard to share when the lesson comes with pain or when I feel like the happy ending may never come? *okay, I’m being slightly dramatic……but I have felt that*

I’m learning to embrace sharing when I don’t have the pretty conclusion because life is kinda one big in-between: a wrestling between answered prayers and prayers not-yet answered. Holding joy in one hand and pain in the other. Balancing hurt and healing. Keeping a soft heart amidst hard circumstances. It’s living on earth, knowing heaven is my destination.

I know we’ve all been there — when pain makes it hard to believe that brighter days are coming and when it hurts to hope and feels more like heartbreak. Loss makes even sunny days feel dark.

But, if I’m learning anything, it’s that we’re not as alone as we feel or may think. While specific circumstances and details may be different, many can sympathize with the feelings and emotions of a broken heart. It’s so important to be honest with where you’re at, or else you cannot move forward. You can’t see the future if you keep your eyes closed in denial.

You can’t edit out the pain that comes with life. You can’t make it more comfortable, bearable or tolerable. You can’t choose when pain happens…or where, how, or with who. It has a tendency of blindsiding you. So much of it is out of your control and out of your hands.

But here’s the thing: we all want the lessons pain teaches, without experiencing it. Pain is a great teacher: it forces us to be honest, real, and vulnerable. If you allow it, pain causes you to grow and it strengthens you. Pain causes people to pause, give their attention, and listen; because it’s something we all have in common.

When I am broken and hurting I have felt Jesus nearest. He meant it when He told us that HE IS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTED. Psalm 34:18 —

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 
& saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

When we bring our hearts to Jesus — raw, broken, crushed, hurting, and humbled — He does something only His gentle hands can do: HE pieces us together.

“Blessed are those who mourn
for you shall be comforted”
– Matthew 5:4

We all know Jesus is a comforter. We want to experience His comfort, but how many of us want to mourn? I know it’s something that I wouldn’t choose voluntarily, but mourning is a qualification for experiencing His comfort. *ouch* Too often I walk around wanting to push the pain aside; keeping my eyes ahead, moving forward, not acknowledging what could make me cry at any minute… I don’t want to mourn. I don’t want to talk about my disappointments, how I’ve been a disappointment to myself and to others. I don’t want to share the cries of my heart that only Jesus hears. I don’t want to go there… because I’m afraid of staying there. But, just like Jesus says, when we mourn: He comforts. It’s promised so I don’t have to be afraid!! There is never a moment I will mourn that I won’t ALSO experience His comfort. I don’t ever have to fear being left alone — because He comes and sits next to me and tells me that He’s gonna carry me thru to the other side and promises to comfort me. For as long as I have to mourn, that’s how long He’ll comfort.

This verses tells us “blessed are those who mourn,” but honestly, I consider myself anything but blessed when I’m mourning… in a day of social media highlights, mourning is not often shared because it makes people uncomfortable; it isn’t pretty or “aesthetic.” But I believe the blessing comes because those who are mourning experience Jesus’ nearness in a way they never would have without the tears. And then you have the blessing of being able to comfort others who are mourning. How good is our heavenly Father that He comforts and blesses us when we feel undesirable, unseen, and unlovable?! And then He teaches us how to do the same.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 1:3-5

It took me a long time to realize that hurt is frequently unavoidable. I thought I was supposed to avoid hurt with everything in me and, if I was hurt, it was the result of something I did wrong. Because hurt means that you didn’t try hard enough, right? Which, don’t get me wrong, I have been hurt by my own sin and foolish decisions, but what about when you feel like you did all you could and things were going smoothly—until it wasn’t. Until you were blindsided and hurt. That’s the hardest lesson pain teaches—sometimes it’s a chapter in your story and there’s nothing you can do to edit or alter the ending. You can’t revise heartbreak, but it’s also not the end of the story.

Instead of looking at it as an end, you could also view it as a new beginning; an opportunity to heal and grow. Hard things have a way of exposing the places in our hearts that have been neglected and need to be mended. There have been situations where I’ve responded in ways I didn’t expect because my heart was harboring unresolved hurt or trauma I hadn’t healed from and surrendered to Jesus.

You cannot change what happened, but there is something you can do about how it impacts and shapes your future. You have a say in how you heal. You can allow Jesus to put the pieces of your heart back together.

So… here’s to healing and being honest. Here’s to walking thru the pain, uncertainty, and sharing unprocessed, incomplete thoughts while you’re feeling them, instead of waiting till you’re on the other side—because we’re all learning on this journey and none of us has it figured out!

reach out.

I’ve always loved the story of Jesus healing the woman who had the issue of blood. She went to Jesus in faith, touched the hem of His garment, and He heals her.

In April 2019 I wrote about this story; how Jesus will never overlook you. As I read this story again recently, something new stood out to me . . . for so long I had focused on the healing in this story and the beautiful words spoken by Jesus:

“Daughter, be of good cheer;
your faith has made you well. 
Go in peace.”

but the other day, as I pondered what it must’ve been like to walk in this woman’s shoes — living with this issue for 12 years — I cannot imagine how hopeless, empty, and desperate she must’ve felt. Verse 34 of Luke 12 says that she “had spent all her livelihood on physicians and could not be healed by any . . .”

While there was physical pain & discomfort she walked through, it also had a financial impact on her life: she had tried everything and came up empty every time.

Her situation must’ve also had an overwhelming impact on her life emotionally as well. Pain often leaves us feeling alone, misunderstood, frustrated and guarded. As pain lingers and we long for healing, it can cause us to question or doubt God’s purpose.

This woman had been discarded over and over by doctors whom she had trusted. She was broke and had no answers.
The idea of being in a multitude of people must’ve terrified her.
The thought of touching Jesus was probably so scary, that she resolved to simply touch His robe.

I know what it feels like to wait, to hope, and to want to give up hoping.
But for 12 years?! I have not waited for anything that long.

I see myself in this woman though and I wonder how many emotions we share in common, even though our stories are very different . . . I’ve walked through things that have caused me to change my view of people. I am guilty of projecting my past experiences onto people who do not deserve it. I’ve pushed people away because I’ve been too afraid. I’ve allowed uncertainty to paralyze me. I’ve allowed pain to make me cynical and selfish.

But, when I hold onto the past, instead of reaching out in faith, I am hindering what God wants to heal in my heart, accomplish my life, and how He wants to help others.

You cannot reach your hand out in faith while holding onto the past.
You must choose one or the other.

The realist in me says: “But you have to learn from the past! Don’t make the same mistakes! Keep yourself guarded, it’s best.” Moving forward, opening up, & trusting God while learning from the past is a hard line to walk . . . I’m still trying to navigate how to discern the difference there.

But, if this story teaches me anything, it’s that — no matter how long you’ve waited for healing or no matter how long you’ve been hurting, He has not forgotten you and it’s never too late to reach out to Him.

While the pain of the past may not change, Jesus can heal your heart & write a beautiful story out of what you deemed irredeemable.

While I wish I could say when your season of waiting will end or when the pain will be healed, I cannot. But I do know that Jesus promises that there is a day of healing coming, if not this side of eternity, we know that there is a day when we will be in Jesus’ presence and He will wipe away every tear. Maybe one day it will make sense and we will see how He was working in us and forming His glory in us thru the waiting. But in the meantime I remind myself that He never wastes our pain and everything He does is right on time, even when we feel like the timeline was different than what we would’ve chosen.

I pray He gives us the grace to walk through all that today brings — the joy, the pain, and the waiting — that we would seek Him, pushing through any obstacles, and outstretching our arms to Him in faith.

“Now when the woman . . . declared to Him in the presence of all the people the reason she had touched Him & how she was healed immediately.”
– Luke 8:47

yet I will praise.


“Yet I will praise….“


This declaration makes me think of how Job worshipped after losing everything.
In Job 1:21 he proclaims:

“The Lord gave & the Lord has taken away;
Blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Job’s words teach me that worship is not an emotion or feeling, but it is more a choice: a decision to trust, bless, and worship God and proclaim His faithfulness when nothing makes sense and you have more questions than answers.

2020 has been quite a year. . . with so much chaos in the world it’s easy to get caught up in the confusion and allow the cares of this life to rob us of the peace we have in Jesus. (Philippians 4:5b-7 “The Lord is at hand; do not be anxious about anything, but in everything by prayer and supplication with thanksgiving let your requests be made known to God. And the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.“)

It’s important, now more than ever before, that we keep our hearts and minds rooted in God’s love and in His Word. I think James says it perfectly in James 5:8 when he encouraged believers: “You also, be patient. Establish your hearts, for the coming of the Lord is at hand.” This means that it’s easy for our hearts to be carried away, but we are instructed to establish our hearts on the firm foundation of Jesus.

For me, trust in God is one of the first things that is shaken when troublesome times come. The enemy will always try to rob us of our confidence in Christ and cause us to question His character and faithfulness. When I relinquish my trust it allows fear, anxiety, worry, and doubt to invade my heart and mind. It has been that way since the beginning of time ― in the garden, the serpent caused Eve to question God’s Word and made her think that God was not trustworthy when he said: “Has God surely said???” (Genesis 3:1) The serpent caused Eve to doubt God’s Word and tempted her to trust in herself instead of God.

When I find myself struggling to trust God I always find encouragement in reading and meditating on His Word and in reading the words of other believers who have testimonies of trusting in the Lord’s goodness in the midst of trials.

Those who have proclaimed, in the middle of the storm: “yet I will praise.”

In times like these, may we be those that are meditating on God’s Word, trusting in Him, and allowing Him to establish our hearts.

Below are some of my favorite quotes and verses to read in times of discouragement, worry, or doubt. I pray they remind you of how faithful, good, and trustworthy our Lord is ― He is worthy of our confidence, faith, and trust. May we resolve to worship and trust Jesus, whatever may come.

"Never be afraid
 to trust an unknown future
 to a known God."
― Corrie Ten Boom
“I would sooner walk in the dark
 and hold hard to a promise of my God, 
 than trust in the light
 of the brightest day
 that ever dawned.
 To trust God in the light is nothing,
 but to trust Him in the dark - that is faith."
― Charles Spurgeon
"When a train goes through a tunnel and it gets dark,
 you don't throw away the ticket and jump off.
 You sit still and trust the engineer."
― Corrie Ten Boom
"When I try, I fail. 
 When I trust, He succeeds."
― Corrie Ten Boom

But I trust in Your unfailing love;
my heart rejoices in Your salvation.
Psalm 13:5

In You, Lord my God,
I put my trust.
Psalm 25:1

But I trust in You,
Lord; I say,
“You are my God.”
Psalm 31:14

When I am afraid,
I put my trust in you.
Psalm 56:3

I will say of the Lord,
“He is my refuge & my fortress,
my God, in whom I trust.”
Psalm 91:2

You who fear Him,
trust in the Lord—
He is their help & shield.
Psalm 115:11

Blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord.
Proverbs 16:20b

Stop trusting in mere humans,
who have but a breath in their nostrils.
Why hold them in esteem?
Isaiah 2:22

In that day they will say,
“Surely this is our God;
we trusted in Him,
and He saved us.
This is the Lord,
we trusted in Him;
let us rejoice
& be glad in His salvation.”
Isaiah 25:9

This is what the Sovereign Lord,
the Holy One of Israel, says:
“In repentance & rest
is your salvation,
in quietness & trust
is your strength“
Isaiah 30:15

The Lord is good,
a refuge in times of trouble.
He cares for those who trust in Him.
Nahum 1:7

But blessed is the one
who trusts in the Lord,
whose confidence is in Him.
Jeremiah 17:7

Trust in the Lord with all your heart
& lean not on your own understanding;
in all your ways submit to Him,
and He will make your paths straight.
Proverbs 3:5-6

Those who know Your Name
trust in You, for You, Lord,
have never forsaken
those who seek You.
Psalm 9:10

Some trust in chariots
and some in horses,
but we trust in the name
of the Lord our God.
Psalm 20:7

The Lord is my Strength & my Shield;
my heart trusts in Him,
& He helps me.
My heart leaps for joy,
and with my song I praise Him.
Psalm 28:7

In God, whose word I praise
in God I trust and am not afraid.
What can man do to me?
Psalm 56:4

They will have no fear of bad news;
their hearts are steadfast,
trusting in the Lord.
Psalm 112:7

Let the morning bring me word
of Your unfailing love,
for I have put my trust in You.
Show me the way I should go,
for to you I entrust my life.
Psalm 143:8

Surely God is my salvation;
I will trust and not be afraid.
The Lord, the Lord Himself,
is my strength & my defense;
He has become my salvation.
Isaiah 12:2

You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You,
because they trust in you.
Isaiah 26:3

Trust in the Lord forever,
for the Lord, the Lord Himself,
is the Rock eternal.
Isaiah 26:4

May the God of hope fill you with all
joy & peace as you trust in Him,
so that you may overflow
with hope by the power
of the Holy Spirit.
Romans 15:13