o Lord, You know.

It’s been a bit since my last post… I need to get better about that 🙈 but I first wanted to say “thank you“ for being here. thank you for taking the time to read what I’ve written. I pray you feel seen and encouraged in these words. I pray you know that you are not alone and, if you can relate to anything I’ve shared, I am here for you.

This time of year I always start feeling overly sentimental as my birthday and the end of another year approaches…turning a year older and looking back on 365 days always fills me with immense gratitude while also feeling deeply contemplative and somewhat somber (the darkness at 5pm doesn’t help either haha).

I’m grateful for another year: a year filled with new memories, genuine friendships, growth, opportunities, simple moments, and mundane tasks. This year was also full of many contrasts: some of the lowest lows and highest highs.

Throughout the year, this phrase has proven to be true:

the lower the valley,
the higher the mountain.
you cannot experience the mountain top
without first walking thru the valley.

It sounds incredibly cliché, I know, but it felt so true this year. If I had the choice, I would opt out of the valley; only wanting to experience the view at the top of the mountain. But the lowest valleys lead to the highest peaks and you cannot have one without the other. You need the valley to have the mountain top. And, because of the valley, you will have a much deeper appreciation for the mountain peak. Tears have a way of making laughter sweeter… maybe it’s because laughter, contentment, & genuine joy were things you thought you’d never experience again.

“Blessed are you who weep now, for you shall laugh.” – Luke 6:21b

2022 taught me to hold multiple emotions at once. I think it’s always been that way, but was more extreme this year. Some things I’m learning… that new beginnings bring both sadness and anticipation. When you obey God you will always gain more than you lose. It’s possible to feel unsettled, yet at peace. Hope is worth holding onto, even when letting go seems easier. When you let go of certain dreams, you will also realize new ones. Joy and grief coexist. You can feel frustrated over not being where you want to be, yet grateful that you’re not where you were… Life can feel so complex and so simple at the same time. So much can change, while somehow staying the same.

Recently, as these thoughts have been swirling through my head, I also read Jeremiah chapter 15, and portions from verses 15 thru 16 really stood out me:

“O Lord, You know; remember me & visit me … in Your enduring patience, do not take me away … Your words were found & I ate them, and Your word was to me the joy & rejoicing of my heart; for I am called by Your name, O Lord God of hosts.”

I love reading the raw & honest prayers and expressions of people in the Bible. They are an example to me that it’s necessary and important to bare your heart before God. It’s holy ground.

Jeremiah simply says “O Lord, You know.”
Oh how I relate to those words.
Sometimes that’s all I’ve been able to say.
All I’ve had the energy to say.

Sometimes those are the only words we can utter. When we can’t put words to what we’re feeling or when unpacking it all feels too overwhelming, “O Lord, You know.” We don’t need to explain it all. He knows. He sees. He cares.

Then Jeremiah pleads: “remember me & visit me.” I can only imagine that he’s saying these words from a place of feeling forgotten and alone. Emotions that can feel all too familiar.

Lastly Jeremiah reminds himself of God’s enduring patience. When we are impatient, confused, and frustrated God’s patience is NEVER ENDING. You will never run out of God’s patience and nothing will ever stop Him from pursuing you. His death on the cross is constant confirmation that He gave everything to prove His love for us and His desire to rescue and redeem us.

When we feel overwhelmed (and maybe slightly overdramatic, like I can be) He doesn’t abandon us, instead He shows us unending & enduring patience. He walks with us and cares for us. We are His and we are called by His name.

“Now may the Lord direct your hearts into the love of God & into the patience of Christ.” – 2 Thessalonians 3:5

I’m thankful that God has recorded the emotions and honest cries of His people.
It means that He hears our honest, raw, aching, muttered prayers too.

As I soak in the last weeks of 2022 I’m realizing that I’ll probably always feel like I’m failing in certain areas and flourishing in others. Part of life is rejoicing that I’m not who I used to be and I’m also not who I want to be. But day by day, by His grace, God is making us more into His image… He is walking with us through the valleys and the mountain tops, day after day and year after year. He is working thru it all to make us more like Him.

So, here’s to walking thru the valleys and the mountains, holding both the failing and the flourishing, and realizing that He uses both to draw us closer to Him. Through His strength and grace, may we glorify Him as we walk through both.