In the Midst of Change

“I did my very best to put into practice all I had believed on paper.” – Katie Davis

What has God been calling me to put into practice?

Its natural for me to write about what I know I need to do…but putting the pen down, walking away, and living those words is hard. Forgiveness, kindness, vulnerability, brokenness, compassion, sacrifice, self denial, and patience are all things He’s calling me to walk in—they are easy to write about and hard to walk out.

I’ve learned a lot and have much to learn.  2017 has taught me a lot about myself; how I deal under pressure and react. Some days have been ugly, scary, and messy…where I don’t want to trust again, where I know I’m not walking in God’s will, and am not living in Jesus’ victory or in the strength of His Spirit.

It’s easy to become secluded, bitter, or resentful in times of change and transition. Whether the change is good or bad, our natural tendency is to compare it with the past and build walls because “it’ll never be the same” or “they’ll never know or love me like ____.” It’s easy to reflect so much on the past that it paralyzes you from moving forward.

I don’t want to be paralyzed.  I want to walk into each new day with open hands, grateful for the past and the lessons it taught me but looking forward to where God is leading. Even the things in my past that I wouldn’t have wished for carry so much purpose. I long to walk in wisdom; holding onto lessons the past has taught me and letting go of what is not healthy or in His plan for me.

It’s easy to be swayed by my emotions or allow myself to be dictated by other’s actions.  I have a choice in how I move forward and don’t want to be a victim of the past; God has called me to more than that. And He has called you to that too.

I pray that no matter what heart break or devastation is in your past or present that you would know, with full assurance and confidence, that your past does not define you and you do not need to have it all together.

When undergoing a major change it’s easy to form to habits and begin new routines simply out of survival and reaction to what has happened.  But instead of survival and reaction I want this season of unexpected changes to be defined by intention, gratitude, and joy.  That will only come when my eyes are fixed on Jesus. He is my goal and I am in desperate need of His grace because I fall short daily and need His Spirit in me to walk hopeful and expectant into the future. There are days in the midst of change that it pains my heart to reflect on seasons of life that are no more, but God is showing me to simply be grateful and expectant. I’m learning to rest in hope and live in peace today knowing that each new season has been predestined, designed by my loving Father, and I desire to walk in His goodness here.

Stories

“looking unto Jesus, the Author and Finisher of our faith.”
Hebrews 12:2 

We each have a story. We could fill pages with the lessons we have (and have not) learned and as time passes our chapters may be filled with more heartbreak, unexpected cliff hangers or endings than we ever could’ve predicted.

For me, there was a way I expected my life to go, a general “order” of events, but deep down I knew that I shouldn’t have any expectations because I would be setting myself up for disappointment.  Subconsciously though, I had a “plan” and projected my hopes and dreams into the future.

After graduating High School I remember my world feeling wide open, I felt like I didn’t have any clear direction and one by one Jesus showed me that I needed to let go of my expectations.  I knew my life was in God’s hands and I needed Him to guide me, I couldn’t depend on my parents or my feelings —I had to walk in faith and trust God that no matter what lay ahead He was ordering my steps. (Prov. 16:9, Psalm 37:23) The verse and lyrics at the bottom of this post became my comfort and song.

Now I’m almost 23 and I look back at the time since I graduated High School and some seriously heart-breaking, disappointing things have happened. But God has never disappointed me.  He has been with me and strengthened me in each changing season.  As I sit here things have happened (and not happened) that a 16 year old me never would have never foreseen. Amazing, beautiful, once-in-a-lifetime things have also happened that I wouldn’t have thought to imagine for myself in my wildest dreams.  And what leaves me in awe is that God did it. He knew (and still knows!) every desire in my heart and in His perfect timing He will fulfill them.  I’ve learned that the deepest need and desire of my heart is Himself.  When I place my expectation in Him my heart is at rest, free to trust and depend on my loving Father.

He knows your heart, the dreams your child-like heart dreams, and the hopes you have for the future.  He knows.  He’s a good Father and only gives good gifts to His children—He gave us Himself.

What word has been written into your story that you never would’ve chosen for yourself? Childless, single, jobless, homeless, lonely, displaced, betrayed, divorced, sick, bankrupt, orphaned, fatherless, hungry?  …No matter where you are in your story, surrender it to Him.  He is the Restorer and Redeemer of hearts.  When your story is not going as you expected, remember that it’s not the end. There will be pages of loss, discomfort, suffering, heart-break, and grief—look to Him for strength, wisdom, and guidance in the trial.  Stop worrying about what will come next, living in disappointment, or coveting someone else’s journey.  Place your expectation in Jesus and watch as He works wonders in you-beyond anything you could ever think or imagine, His ways and thoughts are higher.  In the end, when you look back, you’ll realize that even when you couldn’t see it His purpose, grace, and sovereignty was written on every page.

Trust His loving hand that wrote your story into the pages of time.  Before you were ever a thought in any human’s mind — you were in His.

 

“Wait on the Lord: be of good courage, and he shall strengthen thine heart: wait, I say, on the Lord.” – Psalm 27:14

All of my life, in every season
You are still God,
I have a reason to sing.
I have a reason to worship.
– “Desert Song” by Hillsong

Remember

The kindness of Jesus is overwhelming. He never allowed the disdain and cynicism of others affect His heart towards them; and He did not try to retaliate or fight against those who betrayed, hated and wanted to kill Him.

1 Corinthians 11:23 says:

“on the night when He was betrayed took bread,
and when He had given thanks, He broke it, and said,
‘This is My body which is for you. Do this in remembrance of Me.’”

Amidst betrayal, contention, deep hurt and agony over the pain that was before Him —Jesus demonstrated love. On the nigh He was betrayed He served by washing His disciples’ feet and giving them communion, a symbol of how He would sacrifice His life on the cross for them. He gave thanks and He said “this is My body which is for you.”  He was not thinking of Himself, He was serving others.

Throughout His ministry Jesus’ disciples were confused when He would say: ‘My hour has not yet come’ or ‘the Son of Man will be betrayed but on the third day will rise again.’  But Jesus knew His disciples would look back at this night, remember Jesus’ example, His death and His resurrection and it would finally make sense.  The disciples would finally understand that the purpose of Jesus’ life and ministry was to bring salvation, peace, and reconciliation to lost and hurting people who were in need of a Savior.

And all Jesus asks is that they remember Him.

Simply remember.  And He asks me to do the same.  It is easy for me to forget and become busy in my daily routine, waste time scrolling through social media, so consumed with the noise that I become restless and can no longer rest in the stillness…  and when I find myself discouraged, backsliding, or doubtful it means that I have forgotten Him: who He is and all that He means to me.  I need to remember: His kindness, faithfulness and compassion; all the ways He’s provided and cared for Me.  I must be watchful and careful to not be distracted but instead to fix my eyes on Him

On a night that was confusing and chaotic to His disciples and onlookers, when it seemed as though evil had won and injustice had the final word, God’s purpose was being fulfilled and Jesus had His eyes on His Father, submitting to His will.  When you cannot make sense of all that is going on around you—look to Jesus, remember Him, and rest knowing that He is in control and His purpose is being accomplished even when all else seems contrary.

Oh what a Savior! Isn’t He wonderful!?
– “Come to the Altar”  by Elevation Worship

Help me to love with open arms like You do
A love that erases all the lines and sees the truth
Oh that when they look in my eyes they would see You…
You’re wonderful and such a good Father
– “For the One”  by Bethel

Loved.

“We love because He first loved us.”

– 1 John 4:19

There’s something captivating about watching a child react to and experience life.  The way they freely dance, sing, laugh, and cry without a worry of who is watching or what others are thinking.  There’s purity and innocence in the way they love and interact with others.  Do you remember feeling that way?  Do you remember when that changed?

I remember: suddenly worrying about what others were thinking, realizing what they were wearing, how they were acting, and the attention they were getting. I realized life isn’t as simple as I once imagined, not all people are kind and their words do not all come with good intentions.  I felt insecure for the first time; like I was not enough and had to change to be accepted and worth knowing.  Looking back I realize how vulnerable I was because I didn’t personally know the security of Jesus’ love.

I remember feeling lonely and left out, young and unsure of who I was; thinking: “If only I was smarter, prettier, funnier, cooler, more likable…” If you are thinking like that today God is pursuing you and wants you to know that you are precious in His eyes and He bottles every tear you cry (Psalm 56:8). He is not like those who have hurt you, abandoned you, or made you feel unaccepted and unloved.  This is not the superficial love we hear about in songs or see portrayed in movies.

You are valued and loved with an unchanging, faithful, grounding love; so powerful that His voice spoke the world into existence and with the same breath created you.

I wish you would walk so closely with this Love that it effects every word you say, the places you go, the way you treat others and view yourself.  You do not have to worry about being loved and accepted, because you already are.  Concern yourself and occupy your mind with the thoughts Jesus has towards you. Place your confidence in Him, not in others’ ever-changing opinions.  Don’t let others define who you’re supposed to be or how you’re supposed to look and act.

Today I pray that you settle in your soul to believe who God says you are; don’t change and try to fit in. The world says we need to love ourselves while our real need is to know that we are loved.  Like a child that so confidently trusts in their parents’ love; we can rest confident and secure in Jesus’ love for us.

“You are not an afterthought.
Love Himself dreamed you up.”
❤️
-“Diamonds” by Taylor Leonhardt