Author: Bre

honesty & healing


It’s been a bit since I’ve written on here — it’s mostly because I’ve just been processing, trying to figure out what to say… and what not to. But what keeps coming to my mind is that I don’t have to wait until I have it all together to sit down and write. It’s ok to sit—broken, unsure—and write what I’m learning in the middle.

I like to have things “put together” — I’d prefer to share once I have the testimony from the “other side” with the happy ending, healed heart, and a bow to tie on top. I like having the lesson learned, but it’s hard to share when the lesson comes with pain or when I feel like the happy ending may never come? *okay, I’m being slightly dramatic……but I have felt that*

I’m learning to embrace sharing when I don’t have the pretty conclusion because life is kinda one big in-between: a wrestling between answered prayers and prayers not-yet answered. Holding joy in one hand and pain in the other. Balancing hurt and healing. Keeping a soft heart amidst hard circumstances. It’s living on earth, knowing heaven is my destination.

I know we’ve all been there — when pain makes it hard to believe that brighter days are coming and when it hurts to hope and feels more like heartbreak. Loss makes even sunny days feel dark.

But, if I’m learning anything, it’s that we’re not as alone as we feel or may think. While specific circumstances and details may be different, many can sympathize with the feelings and emotions of a broken heart. It’s so important to be honest with where you’re at, or else you cannot move forward. You can’t see the future if you keep your eyes closed in denial.

You can’t edit out the pain that comes with life. You can’t make it more comfortable, bearable or tolerable. You can’t choose when pain happens…or where, how, or with who. It has a tendency of blindsiding you. So much of it is out of your control and out of your hands.

But here’s the thing: we all want the lessons pain teaches, without experiencing it. Pain is a great teacher: it forces us to be honest, real, and vulnerable. If you allow it, pain causes you to grow and it strengthens you. Pain causes people to pause, give their attention, and listen; because it’s something we all have in common.

When I am broken and hurting I have felt Jesus nearest. He meant it when He told us that HE IS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTED. Psalm 34:18 —

“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted 
& saves those who are crushed in spirit.”

When we bring our hearts to Jesus — raw, broken, crushed, hurting, and humbled — He does something only His gentle hands can do: HE pieces us together.

“Blessed are those who mourn
for you shall be comforted”
– Matthew 5:4

We all know Jesus is a comforter. We want to experience His comfort, but how many of us want to mourn? I know it’s something that I wouldn’t choose voluntarily, but mourning is a qualification for experiencing His comfort. *ouch* Too often I walk around wanting to push the pain aside; keeping my eyes ahead, moving forward, not acknowledging what could make me cry at any minute… I don’t want to mourn. I don’t want to talk about my disappointments, how I’ve been a disappointment to myself and to others. I don’t want to share the cries of my heart that only Jesus hears. I don’t want to go there… because I’m afraid of staying there. But, just like Jesus says, when we mourn: He comforts. It’s promised so I don’t have to be afraid!! There is never a moment I will mourn that I won’t ALSO experience His comfort. I don’t ever have to fear being left alone — because He comes and sits next to me and tells me that He’s gonna carry me thru to the other side and promises to comfort me. For as long as I have to mourn, that’s how long He’ll comfort.

This verses tells us “blessed are those who mourn,” but honestly, I consider myself anything but blessed when I’m mourning… in a day of social media highlights, mourning is not often shared because it makes people uncomfortable; it isn’t pretty or “aesthetic.” But I believe the blessing comes because those who are mourning experience Jesus’ nearness in a way they never would have without the tears. And then you have the blessing of being able to comfort others who are mourning. How good is our heavenly Father that He comforts and blesses us when we feel undesirable, unseen, and unlovable?! And then He teaches us how to do the same.

“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 1:3-5

It took me a long time to realize that hurt is frequently unavoidable. I thought I was supposed to avoid hurt with everything in me and, if I was hurt, it was the result of something I did wrong. Because hurt means that you didn’t try hard enough, right? Which, don’t get me wrong, I have been hurt by my own sin and foolish decisions, but what about when you feel like you did all you could and things were going smoothly—until it wasn’t. Until you were blindsided and hurt. That’s the hardest lesson pain teaches—sometimes it’s a chapter in your story and there’s nothing you can do to edit or alter the ending. You can’t revise heartbreak, but it’s also not the end of the story.

Instead of looking at it as an end, you could also view it as a new beginning; an opportunity to heal and grow. Hard things have a way of exposing the places in our hearts that have been neglected and need to be mended. There have been situations where I’ve responded in ways I didn’t expect because my heart was harboring unresolved hurt or trauma I hadn’t healed from and surrendered to Jesus.

You cannot change what happened, but there is something you can do about how it impacts and shapes your future. You have a say in how you heal. You can allow Jesus to put the pieces of your heart back together.

So… here’s to healing and being honest. Here’s to walking thru the pain, uncertainty, and sharing unprocessed, incomplete thoughts while you’re feeling them, instead of waiting till you’re on the other side—because we’re all learning on this journey and none of us has it figured out!

He is able


when fear or worry tempt me to doubt the faithfulness of my God I want these simple words to be the anthem of my heart:

“Jesus; You are able.”

I want those four words to be the song of my soul,
the steady echo of praise resounding in my mind,
whatever the future may, or may not, bring —

I want to be found:
trusting Him
& resting in Him
because He indeed is able.
If He does not,
it is not because He is unable,
but it is simply because
He is working something
far greater than I can imagine.
His thoughts are not mine,
neither are His ways.

Too often, when I am faced with a situation that is scary or unknown, I don’t immediately recall the faithfulness and power of my Savior. I’m prone to look at the storm and take my eyes off of Jesus. I forget that HE IS ABLE. NOTHING is too hard for Him and there is no situation that He cannot redeem or restore. Hope is never lost and nothing is ever too far gone.

There’s a verse in a song called “Hymn of the Ages” by Maverick City that has been on repeat in my head lately:

"blessed assurance
oh, what a grace
I'm prone to wander
But You're prone to chase
This is my story
It's the song that I'll raise
I'll sing of Your goodness
All of my days"

“I’m prone to wander, but You’re prone to chase…” Isn’t that so true?! Time and time again God has proven that He is my Provider, Protector, Comforter, and Helper; so why, when a trial comes, do I question what He is doing and doubt His sovereignty? I question if He is able or if He will…….. and I think that’s one of the hardest things to reconcile on this side of eternity — asking God: “I know You can, so why aren’t You?”

When we’re honest, I believe we’ve all asked a question like that. I want to trust Him, “Lord I believe, help my unbelief.” But I still ask that sometimes. It is hard to surrender your own will, desires, and expectations — especially when you’re asking for a good thing or for something that you know is aligned with God’s heart. And yet, when we follow Christ, we are called to trust His sovereignty: which looks like praying in faith and letting go of your expectations. We pray in faith: believing He can, but also surrendering our expectations if He doesn’t or if He works in a different way.

Last week, during Bible Study at my church, we were talking about expectations: how, when God doesn’t meet our expectations we should abandon our expectations, not God.

When you’re believing that a situation will turn out one way and it ends differently than you hoped or prayed; or when an answer isn’t coming after months or years and you pray God would move quicker…when you question if He’s even hearing you anymore. In those moments I’m quick to question God and feel overwhelmed, frustrated, and disillusioned. I’m quick to wander, grow impatient, and question His timing. But, looking back at times when I wish a circumstance would’ve ended differently, it has taught me to rely and depend fully on Jesus, not only on what He can do for me.

I’ve heard people making bargains with God, praying things like: “God, if You do ________ I’ll do ______.” Many times people go to God simply for what He can do.

Am I trusting Him for an OUTCOME or am I trusting HIM?

Trials and difficulties can be opportunities to trust God in a greater way. He is the God who fed the multitude — but ever wonder why Jesus didn’t feed hungry multitudes everyday? I think it’s because Jesus didn’t want people following Him for the temporary provision or satisfaction He could give; He wanted people to follow Him because He is the Way, the Truth, and the Life. Not for the temporary bread He could give, but because He is the Bread of Life. If God answered our every prayer the way we wanted Him to answer, the moment we didn’t get our way we would abandon Him; because we would be following Him selfishly. When Jesus called His disciples to follow Him, He called them not for what He could give them, but for who He is.

Sometimes I think He allows us to be disappointed so we’ll take our eyes off an outcome and fix our eyes on Him.

When He calls us to wait, it is not because He is incapable of working in that moment; it’s because He wants us to trust Him more and not rely on our own strength or power to change a situation.

He is able to change any situation – and if He hasn’t yet maybe it’s because what He’s working in the waiting is of more value and of greater (eternal!) importance. Do not get so focused on what He isn’t doing that you lose sight of what He IS doing today.

Don’t be discouraged when He asks you to wait or His answer isn’t what you expect — worship Him because He is able. NOTHING is impossible for Him. Pray: believing and trusting Him. Surrender: knowing that He holds the outcome in His hands and will give you the strength and grace to receive His will, even when it’s not what you expected.

He is able to replace your fear with faith and your anxiety with peace. He is able to renew your mind and heal your heart.

“For My thoughts are not your thoughts,
Nor are your ways My ways,” says the Lord.
“For as the heavens are higher than the earth,
So are My ways higher than your ways,
And My thoughts than your thoughts.”
– Isaiah 55:8-9

the journey of faith

Have you ever viewed your life in terms of “milestones” or “destinations“??

I used to think about my life like a timeline with markers indicating when I wanted certain events to happen. Have you ever thought the same?? As my life unfolded I quickly found out that things don’t turn out quite as I’d envisioned and I was left thinking “what now?”

About two years ago I was at a crossroads in my life, asking the Lord for wisdom and direction on which way to go. My natural instinct, when placed in a circumstance that involves risk, is to pick the safer, more comfortable option. The weight of walking into something that could end badly (or even good!) is sometimes too great a risk and I’d rather stay on comfortable & familiar ground.

But, when the Lord asks you to step out in faith, His call keeps tugging at your heart and the most important thing you can decide to do is obey, trust, and follow His voice.

So, regarding this particular crossroads, He gave me direction and peace to move forward, but didn’t tell me what the outcome would be. He just told me to take the first step and He would reveal the next step in His timing. So often, I want to know the next 20+ steps and what the destination will be. I want to be able to weigh the risk-to-benefit ratio and determine if it’s worth it.

But that’s not how faith works. . .

Faith is trusting God to lead, guide, and direct your steps – even when you can’t see where it’ll lead. Faith is resting in Jesus because HE knows the outcome, so I don’t have to.

What He has shown me, time and time again, is that He is more concerned with the PROCESS than the destination. When we follow the Lord and things don’t happen as we expected we can feel betrayed, lost, and confused. But it is often in those very situations of loss, sorrow, and pain that our faith grows the most and we learn to depend on Jesus more.

The act of trusting Jesus and walking by faith IS the goal. He desires everything we walk THRU to increase our faith and deepen our walk with Him. So, when my life starts to take on a different trajectory than I had envisioned, I can be expectant and hopeful — because He is in control of the story, not me. For a long-time I simply wanted to check things off the ” life bucket-list” that I had created in my mind, the list with: ☐ graduate college ☐ get my dream job ☐ get married ☐ travel ☐ buy a house ☐ have kids, etc. listed. In my mind I had created that list because I saw that people typically measure “success” by those achievements. So, when I didn’t accomplish those things when I had expected to, I was left feeling like I had failed and was missing out.

But I’ve come to learn that if God were to give us a “bucket-list,” I think it would simply read:

☐ walk by faith

So, no matter the job I have, whether or not I have a college degree, am married, have children, or travel — I can ask myself: “am I walking by faith and trusting God where I am today?” And, if walking by faith does lead to the things I had desired, then Jesus will also use those to mature and deepen my faith! Either way He’s is growing faith in me. My hope is no longer in an outcome and my faith is no longer reliant on getting what I want.

In the same way, when things come into our lives that we never would’ve asked for — heartbreak, unexpected tragedy, loss, betrayal, trials — we have the assurance that God is working amidst the pain to draw us closer to Himself, even if we can’t see it at first, or on this side of eternity; He does not waste our pain.

No matter where in life you find yourself; whether it’s where you wanted to be, or somewhere you never imagined you would be, may we desire God’s will (not our own!) for our lives. When we keep our eyes on Him and follow His leading, even if the situation ends differently than you would’ve hoped, He is glorified.

When the timeline of your life doesn’t follow what you had in mind, you can trust that God is working behind the scenes, writing a story so much better than you could’ve created yourself. And it’ll be so much better than the timeline you had for yourself.

I know it is h-a-r-d to let go of expectations and release certain desires to the Lord but we can rest knowing that He’s a much better Author than we’ll ever be.

It leaves me thinking: in the end, if I check everything off my “bucket-list” but have no faith to show for it, what will I have really accomplished of true value??

“And what do you benefit if you gain the whole world but lose your own soul? Is anything worth more than your soul?”
-Matthew 16:26 (NLT)

whom shall I fear?


With so much chaos and uncertainty in our world there is no shortage of fear and worry. Every day, with tragedies happening all around, we are faced with the reality that we do not know what tomorrow will bring and are reminded that: we are not in control and do not know what is ahead.

When fear seems like the only appropriate response, is it truly possible to know God’s peace that surpasses all understanding while terror is reigning??

This morning I woke up with the words of Psalm 27:1 on my heart:

“The Lord is my light & my salvation; whom shall I fear?
The Lord is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?“

It’s a familiar Psalm but today those two questions struck my heart differently.

I paused, sat with those two questions, and asked myself: “If I truly believe that God is who He says He is (my light, my salvation, and my strength) — then what am I afraid of? Is there a good reason for me to be worried? Should I be fearful?“

Sometimes we are so focused on what is causing us fear that we forget who God is and forget to live in the promises He has given us.

We forget that fear is ultimately a choice and we don’t have to be afraid.

In this verse it’s like David is reasoning with his soul, saying: “is there a good reason for you to be afraid?” Instead of magnifying the fear, David is exalting God above his fear, asking himself:

“Since God is my light — should I fear the darkness?”
“Since God is my salvation — is there a situation He cannot rescue me from?”
“Since God is my strength — should I be afraid of being weak?”

There is no darkness that can quench God’s light!
There is no situation that is so hopeless that God cannot rescue!
There is no weakness that He is unable to overcome!

So I began to bring the things that I fear before the Lord, one by one, it’s like He was lovingly asking me: “Why are you so afraid? Have you still no faith?” In Mark 4 Jesus speaks those words to His disciples when they are stuck in the middle of the sea during a storm. It’s not that the storm was not scary but they forgot who was in control of the storm. If they had remembered that Jesus was in control they would have had no reason to fear. They would’ve called out to Jesus instead of relying on their own strength.

When we fix our eyes on Jesus, our fear shrinks in comparison. We have a gracious Heavenly Father, the Maker of Heaven and Earth, who is fighting for us; He is our light, our salvation, and our strength — all we need is in Him.

There will never be a shortage of storms in our lives. In times when life is completely uncertain fear can feel crippling. When we don’t know what the outcome of a circumstance will be, we can have confidence that Jesus can either calm the storm or calm His child in the storm, and either way He is in control.

“I sought the Lord, and He answered me
and delivered me from all my fears.”
– Psalm 34:4

There will always be something tempting us to doubt God and choose fear. Sometimes we choose fear so quickly that we forget there was even a second option! But we are faced with a choice — just like FEAR is a choice, so is FAITH. We cannot live in faith and fear at the same time; we must choose.

When we compare our fear with the greatness and goodness of our God, the One who never changes and holds our days in His loving hands, our fear and the things that worried us will melt away in the light of His presence. Your situation may not change, but your perspective can.

My heart is heavy as I pray for for those in Afghanistan living under the terror of extremists and those in Haiti suffering after another tragic earthquake. I pray that God would work mightily and supernaturally in the midst of such evil and pain. I plead for those who are mourning and suffering in circumstances I may never face. I walk out my front door; realizing that girls across the ocean are unable to do the same. I open my Bible, worship out loud, and gather at church with my brothers and sisters in Christ; remembering that many do not have that freedom. I pray that Jesus would cover them in an unexplainable peace in the midst of such sorrow.

We have no control over life’s circumstances that evoke fear and worry in our hearts, but we do have a choice to trust God and walk in His promises or allow the situation to overwhelm us and extinguish our faith.

In these uncertain days may we choose to walk by faith and not by sight, fixing our eyes on Jesus: the Author and Finisher of our faith, whatever may come (Hebrews 12:2).

“But without faith it is impossible to please Him,
for he who comes to God must believe that He is,
and that He is a rewarder of those who diligently seek Him.”
-Hebrews 11:6