This is a bit of late-Christmas, New Year, and 2020 reflection post all mixed into one...

When I think back to what life looked like on December 31, 2019 it feels almost like a different lifetime.

This time last year, like at the beginning of most years, people began setting goals, making resolutions, and declaring what they envisioned for the year. 2020 was “deemed” the year of vision (20/20 haha) and many chose vision as their “word of the year.”

With blind hope and naive expectations we looked forward to 2020, not knowing what would come 3 months in…

Some of the most unexpected events began to unravel faster than we could process or comprehend and it was like time stood still, or maybe we just stood still, while the world spiraled out of control around us.

And, although everything in the world was so chaotic, within me there was a great calm (not always, but mostly) as I was constantly reminded of the promises in God’s Word telling me that He is not surprised, He is in control and He has not forsaken me.

This year my hopes look different and my prayers have changed as I approach January 1, 2021. Honestly, I don’t think I’ll ever look at New Years the same. I won’t speak presumptuously about the future, as Proverbs 27:1 says: “Do not boast about tomorrow, for you do not know what a day may bring forth.”

There have been jokes made about people rashly pronouncing 2020 to be “their year” and we’ve recognized how foolish our attempts are to predict and define what we have no control over. If I could choose 1 word to sum up the past 365 days I would say: “humbling.”

I am aware, now more than ever, of how not in control I am. “God is in control” is something that can easily come from my lips but I can continue living like I still have some “say” or control over my day-to-day life.

I am weak. Frail. Incapable. I stand only by the mercy and grace of my Savior.
I don’t have accurate words to hold the weight of loss, trauma, and suffering this year brought for so many.
My heart breaks for those who have lost loved ones.
Those who couldn’t plan or attend memorial services.
Those who took their lives this year because the anxiety, isolation, & fear were no longer bearable.
Those who lost their jobs.
Those who began to cry the moment they could hug their loved one or hold their hand after months of distance and separation. And for those who still wait for that moment.
Those who were separated from spouses and children because they’re medical workers and wanted to keep them healthy.
For the front line workers who are still enduring and processing the unimaginable trauma of caring for people struggling to breathe in a war-zone like ICU.

As spring turned into summer, summer into fall, and fall into winter. . . with came Christmas along with the songs and decorations. . . but it wasn’t the same, the underlying grief and sorrow couldn’t be ignored.

And yet life is often like that. Joy and sorrow each held in one hand. Times of gathering causes the empty seat to feel even emptier. Those who are not there are missed with more ache. Our hearts break all the more and we feel the absence even deeper. Joy mingled with sorrow is a paradox hard to comprehend and even harder embrace.

This year I could not escape the fact that the events surrounding Christmas-time seemed to more closely parallel the time when Jesus was born: a world that is broken, sinful, & weary. People who are lost, hurting, sick, fearful, and suffering.

Jesus chose to be born into and experience a world of conflict, sickness, disease, sin, brokenness, oppression, poverty, hurt, injustice, political unrest, and religious tension. He came. He didn’t guard Himself or choose comfort. As God He could’ve picked to be born at ANYtime, ANYwhere, with ANY status, or ANY amount of wealth imaginable . . . And He chose a manger.

He was the hope for a weary world.
But not in the way they were expecting.

“A thrill of Hope, the weary world rejoices.”

“This is how God showed His love among us:
He sent His one & only Son into the world that we might live through Him.
This is love: not that we loved God,
but that He loved us
and sent His Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.”
-1 John 4:9-10

Nothing speaks more of humility than God clothing Himself in humanity, becoming a baby, being born in a manager, and living to die for the sin of the world; for my sin, for your sin. God became the greatest example of meekness and humility; so why are we surprised when He leads us into circumstances that will produce humility in us? Maybe we’ve been so consumed with our prideful boasting of what we presume God’s will to be that we have lost sight of one of the most precious things that He wants to produce in us: humility and obedience.

“Jesus Christ possessed more true greatness in a stable
than any other king ever possessed in a palace.
Infinite & an infant,
O the wonder of Christmas!”
– Charles Spurgeon

Philippians 2:3-8
“Do nothing from selfish ambition or conceit,
but in humility count others more significant than yourselves.
Let each of you look not only to his own interests,
but also to the interests of others.
Have this mind among yourselves,
which is yours in Christ Jesus, who,
though He was in the form of God,
did not count equality with God a thing to be grasped,
but emptied Himself, by taking the form of a servant,
being born in the likeness of men.
And being found in human form,
He humbled Himself by becoming obedient
to the point of death, even death on a cross.”

Throughout this year I have heard and have also (selfishly and regrettably) began sentences by saying: “When things go back to normal __fill in the blank__….”
Presuming and expecting that life will “go back to normal” because we crave the comfort of the familiar (even if it’s ungodly or unhealthy). . . but while we say we want “things to go back to before” we forget that trials and pain like this have a way of changing us forever. They leave their imprints and marks. We have scars and lessons learned.

A year like 2020 will challenge, stretch, and grow you faster than you imagined possible. Maybe you’ve felt like you’ve been holding your breath, surviving, just waiting and longing for a sense of “normal” again. Maybe you feel like you’ve made no progress, haven’t grown, or have nothing to show for this year. . . maybe you feel like you’ve wasted time and have no idea how beauty will come from the ashes. Maybe the challenges and trials have taken the best from you and you’re at your lowest.

We are not the same people we were on 1/1/2020. Even if you don’t feel it, even if you feel like you’ve failed, or you feel ashamed of what this year made of you – this is not the end of your story! He is still working ALL things together for good for those who love Him and He is bringing about His purpose. (Romans 8:28)

We never could’ve predicted, prepared, or planned for a year like this. . . looking back at 2020 and ahead at 2021 I am humbled and prayerful, desiring to trust the Lord no matter what may come…because if 2020 taught me anything; it taught me to cherish every moment, every person, and every circumstance, even the painful ones, because each moment is a blessing and the next one isn’t promised. And if, by His will, the next moment does come, I have absolutely no clue what it may bring. The one thing I know for certain is that: HE WILL BE THERE, “for He Himself has said, ‘I will never leave you nor forsake you‘” Hebrews 13:5.

James 4:13-16
“Come now, you who say:
‘Today or tomorrow we will go to such and such a city…’
whereas you do not know what will happen tomorrow.
For what is your life?
It is even a vapor that appears for a little time and then vanishes away.
Instead you ought to say,
“If the Lord wills, we shall live and do this or that.”
But now you boast in your arrogance.
All such boasting is evil.”