autumn

a u t u m n :

I always forget how much I love this season until it’s here, it has a special place in my heart. . . autumn has always been tainted for me because of the looming winter and having to say goodbye to summer. . . but, despite those mixed emotions, autumn brings so. much. unmistakable. beauty.

I’m so grateful that God created change and seasons.
And I love that creation shows that God can make *even* change beautiful.

I’ve always viewed spring & autumn as transition seasons: they don’t last very long and their role is to usher in the next season. . . spring brings summer and autumn welcomes winter. Because of that I’ve always felt like autumn is a season that’s hard to enjoy or settle into. The moment it comes, it’s gone. It can also be quite unpredictable (at least in North Carolina where one day it’s 75 degrees & sunny, and the next is cold, damp & cloudy.)

While the leaves fall and die I have thought to myself: “how amazing is it that God created the leaves to change color!? You know?! like. . . He could’ve made them just turn brown or simply anticlimactically fall without anything significant to show for. But no. . . He doesn’t do anything halfheartedly, He wanted to make it beautiful in the process. He wanted to make us stop & stare in awe of His handiwork.”

And maybe the thing about fall that makes us stop in our tracks to soak in the scenery for just a little while longer is the fact that we know it’ll soon be gone. . . it won’t last long and as fast as the leaves change they also fall; in a matter of weeks the trees will be bare and winter will be here. So we stop because we don’t know how much longer we have.

Similarly, there have been many seasons in my life that were shorter than I had expected and ended faster than I thought they would. Wishing I could go back to appreciate a time that’s come and gone doesn’t change that fact that it’s no longer here. While the four seasons in a year are predictable in their repeating rhythms, life’s seasons don’t hold such promise.

"you do not know what will happen tomorrow.
For what is your life?
It is even a vapor that appears for a little time
and then vanishes away."
-James 4:14

“To everything there is a season,
A time for every purpose under heaven”
-Ecclesiastes 3:1

"teach us to number our days
that we may get a heart of wisdom."
-Psalm 90:12

Because life is so short I can appreciate the seasons that only feel like they’re here to usher in the next. I can be grateful for where I am today without feeling like I should hurry on in anticipation of the next.

"do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own."
-Matthew 6:34

I’m so thankful that God doesn’t make the in-between boring or dull. No! Fall shows me that He chooses to show His glory and make something truly awe-inspiring out of His creation; even as it’s dying. There’s no season so short or seemingly insignificant that God can’t bring something beautiful in the midst of it.

So, as we’re in the days of pumpkin everything, warm meals, shorter days, sweaters, and cooling temperatures I remember that there’s so much to be grateful for. . . Thanksgiving is not an activity reserved for one day, it’s something God has called us to dwell in every day and in every season. Don’t allow saying “goodbye” to a previous season or the uncertainty of the next season to rob you of the gratitude you can live in today.

"Give thanks in all circumstances;
for this is the will of God in Christ Jesus for you."
-1 Thessalonians 5:18

If it’s hard for you to give thanks in the season you’re in, I know what that’s like, I’ve been there and have things today that are very hard to be grateful for.
But don’t let that stop you. Start small:
the smell of pine.
your family around the table.
the sound of leaves crunching under your feet.
the feeling of a warm mug clutched between your hands.
leaves displaying the most beautiful shades of red, yellow & orange.

and maybe, as you start to name them one-by-one, you’ll find yourself falling in love with a season you never expected to.

“Blessed be the name of God forever: 
wisdom & might are His, 
it is He who changes the times & the seasons.”
-Daniel 2:20-21

as of late . . .

As of late, sometimes I find myself wrestling with those 6 words nestled in 1 Timothy 6:6.

Contentment is defined as “a mind contented or satisfied with its lot.”

This tells me that contentment has nothing to do with what we have and everything to do with our perspective, our mind, and our focus. The Bible has ssoooo much to say about our minds (Isaiah 26:3), the importance of renewing our minds in God’s Word (Romans 12:2), and focusing our minds on things of the Spirit (Romans 8:6).

I also love that definition because sometimes I find myself wondering what the “big picture” of my life will look like. Have you ever stayed up at night wondering that? Or my mind will fill with the kind of thoughts that only lead to emptiness and feelings of insufficiency: Am I enough? Am I doing enough? What should I do next? Have I done enough?

Sometimes I stay up wishing I could just have the “big questions” answered…the questions like: will _____ ever happen? when will _____ happen? because, if I had the answers, then I wouldn’t have to worry anymore, right? (Except I don’t think it really works like that. If I knew those answers it would probably cause more problems than it would solve…but that’s another topic.)

1 Timothy 6:6 always comes to my memory when I find myself wondering about these things. Like a rush, God’s Word stills my mind and quiets my heart: “godliness with contentment, is great gain.” And I am reminded to be content with my lot: to appreciate where I am, what’s in front of me, where my feet are, and the people I have around me and to let go of the unknowns — like the questions that lead me to ponder about the timeline of my life. I am reminded to trade my worry for trust — because there’s more to be gained through trusting than through knowing.

In the midst of the questions I always come back to:
godliness with contentment is great gain.

great gain: isn’t that what the world tells us it’s all about?
Isn’t that what we all feel like we should be chasing?
great. gain. ?

But the Bible says that great gain in God’s eyes looks nothing like the great gain we think we should be pursuing.

The gain that the world is chasing is self-focused and self-centered: all about my worth, my value, my success, and my plan. Contentment is often despised and replaced with comparison and covetousness. Think about it, if someone were to ask me: “How would you describe this season of life?” and I respond with: “content” I fear that word may be misunderstood as being unmotivated, complacent, directionless, or unambitious. Because too often we want something significant or flashy to show for our years lived.

But, with one verse, Jesus takes away all the expectations I’ve placed on myself and reminds me that it all boils down to:
godliness.
and
contentment.

What FREEDOM those 2 words bring!! When I’m focused on godliness then my eyes are off myself and as I pursue contentment then I am no longer concerned or worried with where I’ll be in the future or what my life will look like; I am simply resting and trusting God. Matthew 6:34 says:

“Therefore do not worry about tomorrow,
for tomorrow will worry about itself.
Each day has enough trouble of its own.”

We will never be content today as long as we are worrying about tomorrow.
Philippians 4:6 says: “Don’t worry about anything; instead, pray about everything.” Instead of using my energy to worry, I can pour my energy into prayer.

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength
carrying two days at once.
It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time.
Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow,
it empties today of its strength.”
-Corrie Ten Boom

Only a few lines down in verse 11 of Philippians 4 Paul writes: “I have learned to be content regardless of my circumstances.”

That tells me that contentment has to be learned! It’s a continual learning process because circumstances are continually changing. Whenever a new circumstance comes sometimes it’s like I have to start back at the beginning and learn contentment all over again, which can cause me to think: “I thought I learned this already?! Why does it feel like I’m back at square one?!”

But I think that is why godliness and contentment is such great gain.
Because it is something that we can carry into each and every season of life.

The world cannot take it away.
People cannot take it away.
Circumstances cannot take it away.
When your contentment comes from Christ, it is immovable and unshakable.

I’m so thankful that He takes all that I’m concerned with and simplifies it into two words: godliness and contentment.
So. simple.
And as long as I’m focused on those two things,
the rest that I’m concerned with will fall into place in God’s timing.

I want to esteem and pursue what He views as most important, not what I desire or want to accomplish in my life.

“Contentment has an internal quietness of heart
that gladly submits to God in all circumstances.”
– Joni Eareckson Tada

Isaiah 26:3 “You keep him in perfect peace whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You.
Romans 12:2 “be transformed by the renewing of your mind, so that you may prove what the will of God is, that which is good and acceptable and perfect.”
Romans 8:6 “to set the mind on the flesh is death, but to set the mind on the Spirit is life and peace.”

“Worrying is carrying tomorrow’s load with today’s strength; carrying two days at once. It is moving into tomorrow ahead of time. Worrying doesn’t empty tomorrow of its sorrow, it empties today of its strength.” – Corrie Ten Boom

sustaining strength

“Cast your burden on the Lord,
& He will sustain you.”
Psalm 55:22a

With all that is happening in our nation and in the hearts of people I’ve struggled with finding the words to describe this season and how my soul has felt. As I pray I’ve frequently found myself at a loss for words…there’s so much that needs prayer but all that seems to come out is: “Oh Jesus, we need You. Only You.” There’s a soul ache and heaviness that I haven’t known exactly how to process.

So as I was reading Psalm 55 and asking Jesus to help me surrender what is beyond my comprehension the word BURDEN is verse 22 stood out to me.

“That’s it. That’s what I haven’t been able to find the word for — burdened.”

So I had to examine my heart and ask: am I choosing to carry a burden that Jesus has commanded me to surrender to Him?

When faced with a burden, I have a choice: either to carry it myself and rely on my own strength OR I can choose to cast my burden on Jesus and allow HIM to carry it. And when He carries it, He also sustains me.

In order for the LORD to sustain me, I MUST cast my burden onto Him.

So I must ask the question: If I’m not casting my burden onto Jesus, then what is sustaining me?

The word sustain comes from sustenance; and when I think of sustenance I think of something that is necessary for my survival, I think of a place where I go for provision, rest, nourishment, strength, encouragement, endurance, perseverance…without sustenance I would not be able to continue because I would no longer have what is necessary.

The Hebrew definition of sustain is to contain, maintain, support, hold in, and restrain. I love the imagery that description brings. Because while the enemy seeks to destroy, unravel, rob, and divide us; Jesus is the one holding us, keeping us, and sustaining us.

So I ask myself: what am I relying on for sustenance?
Myself? My strength, ability, resources & energy? Or God’s?

I want to allow the One who created me, the One who knows my needs before I do, to sustain me. He is the only One who can sustain me:

When I don’t have the answers.
When it doesn’t make sense.
When I don’t understand.
When it’s overwhelming.
When it seems hopeless.
When the weight is crushing.

I’m so grateful that He’s not surprised or overwhelmed by my burdens.

Instead, He WANTS them.

If the weight of the burden you’re carrying feels like it’s gonna crush you, cast it onto the shoulders of your Almighty Heavenly Father. You were never designed to carry the weigh of it anyway.

God knew we would be burdened so He gave us verses like Psalms 55:22 and 1 Peter 5:7 says: “casting all your care [worry/anxiety] upon Him, for He cares for you.”

Jesus cares for you like no one else in the world ever will.

Don’t avoid the burden or act like you can carry it! Cast it on Him!

When I’m burdened with something I frequently have to cast it on the Lord multiple times, because too often, I pick it back up… but the word “cast” means throw, hurl, or fling. It’s not a half-hearted, light, nonchalant “toss” it’s an utterly COMPLETE & TOTAL SURRENDER with no hope of retrieval…

We can attempt to avoid the burden and the consequent exhaustion that carrying it brings… but it’s there, sooner or later you’re going to have to face it.

And then, once you face it, you will have to determine: am I going to keep carrying this and acting like I’m “strong enough” or am I going to cast it onto the Lord?

For a long time I thought of this word “casting” as an avoidance, an “easy way out,” or an “escape” of what was burdening me. But as I’ve asked Jesus (and continue to ask Him) how to cast my burdens onto Him I’m learning that casting my burden is a choice to surrender what is beyond my comprehension and control. When I cast the burden on Him it allows me to not crumble under the weight of what I cannot control so He can sustain me for what He has called me to.

The burden doesn’t change but WHO’S carrying it does. It doesn’t mean that I neglect the burden as if it doesn’t exist or excuse it, but I realize that ultimately God is the only one strong enough to carry it. I cannot hold it up myself.

And, once I grasp that, I am free to walk in His sustaining strength.

strength for all things.

"I can do all things 
through Christ 
who strengthens me." 
Phil 4:13

We’ve all heard that verse a million times right?? People frequently use it to find motivation & inspiration: to do something hard or start something scary. It’s a “nice verse” to put on a T-shirt or coffee mug.

We all want “strength” for “all things” right?!? Who wouldn’t?!

But when I read this verse in context it gives a very different picture than my usual understanding of this verse… in the verses prior Paul says:

"I have learned in whatever situation I am to be content.
I know how to be brought low & I know how to abound.
In any & every circumstance,
I have learned the secret of facing plenty and hunger,
abundance & need."
Phil 4:11b-12

So wait a minute… Paul is talking about being CONTENT in all circumstances:

Content in humiliation.

Content in hunger.

Content in need.

And he completes this thought by saying “I CAN do ALL things THROUGH CHRIST who strengthens me.”

As I look at the life Paul it was NOT one of ease or comfort. Just read 2 Corinthians 11:23-31 for an overview of the sufferings he faced which include imprisonment, beatings, stoned, shipwrecked…and the list goes on!

As I look at Paul’s life it was defined by surrender, strength in the Lord & a deep contentment with God’s will for his life. And when I examine my own heart it causes me to ask the Lord to give me strength to rest & trust in Him amidst difficulty and suffering. I see that it’s ssooo easy for me to rely on my own strength for things that I want to do or even to do good things; like ministry! I can muster up strength to push through & persevere through many things, even while under the pretense of doing it “in the Lord’s strength,” but one of the greatest tests as to whether or not I’m relying on the Lord’s strength is when something unexpected happens. . . something that is beyond my control and far out of my ability to change. In moments of stress or frustration the Lord reveals who I’m really relying on: myself or Him.

That is why suffering plays such a necessary role in the life of the believer: Jesus never promised to spare us from suffering, but He has given us His Holy Spirit to TRANSFORM us THRU suffering. Have you realized that those in the Bible who God mightily worked through always endured great affliction? It’s because Jesus purifies & refines us in trials. Paul speaks of this in 2 Corinthians 4:16-17: “Therefore we do not lose heart. Even though our outward man is perishing, yet the inward man is being renewed day by day. For our light affliction, which is but for a moment, is working for us a far more exceeding and eternal weight of glory…”

We know life is frail and that everything that is on this earth is delicate and temporal but it’s also easy to live like we’ve forgotten that. . . sometimes it takes a crisis, or a pandemic, for us to remember & refocus. To realize that I’ve never had any strength and that any power I think I had was really only an illusion, I had deceived myself into believing I was in control. The reality of the gospel is that it reveals the selfishness & rebellion in my heart and brings me to the feet of Jesus where He changes my heart.

When we read that God gives us strength for all things we want to tell God what we want strength for: to get the promotion, to earn the achievement, to receive the award . . . you know, we want to have the strength to do things that are “glamorous” or “show-y.” I’m pretty much saying that I want the strength to do the things that I want so that in the end I can proclaim, “I did this through Christ’s strength! Pretty amazing huh?!”

But Paul talking about BEING CONTENT in all things: including humiliation, hunger, and need.

Woah.

But that doesn’t make me look strong or impressive, in fact, that goes against the false “gospel” that says Jesus wants you to be successful, rich, and prosperous.

But what if the desire of Jesus’ heart is for you to walk through a season of something you’d never have chosen for yourself?
What if that’s how He wants to demonstrate His strength in you?

What if He’s asking you to go thru something you know is impossible because then ONLY HE will get the glory? If Jesus is truly my Lord and Savior that means He gets to decide how I will give Him glory. The walk of faith is one of worshipping God amidst the ash, before the beauty. Much like Job, in the middle of despair and grief declared: “The Lord gives & the Lord takes away: blessed be the name of the Lord.”

Jesus wants to create in us a heart that will surrender, worship, & glorify Him in all circumstances. He's looking for a vessel that's empty of itself so He can fill a heart that declares: "Lord, I want to give You glory in what You have prepared for me."

I don’t want to look back on my life one day and realize that I spent all my effort trying to stay strong while all along Jesus was trying to show me my own weakness so He could be my strength.

If Jesus faced humiliation, hunger, & need how do I expect to be spared from those things? Luke 9:58 say that Jesus had “no place to lay His head” and when we pray: “Jesus, I want to be more like You” we’d rather bypass the suffering, pain & sorrow.
But the fact is that Jesus promises tribulation in John 16:33! He says: “I have said these things to you, that in Me you may have peace. In the world you will have tribulation. But take heart; I have overcome the world.”

It’s easy for the world to have happiness, peace, & joy when everything seems care-free & easy, but the moment things go off the rails their happiness is also gone. Jesus has given us His Holy Spirit to give us the FRUIT of the Spirit (Gal. 5:22-23) AMIDST trial & suffering. He does the impossible in us because when we’re at our weakest we can rejoice that He is our strength. We, like Paul, can say: “I will rather boast about my weaknesses, so that the power of Christ may dwell in me…I am well content with weaknesses, with insults, with distresses, with persecutions, with difficulties, for Christ’s sake; for when I am weak, then I am strong.” (2 Cor. 12:9-10)

“God is our refuge & strength,
a very present help in trouble.
Therefore we will not fear,
though the earth gives way…”
-Psalm 46:1-2