It’s been a bit since I’ve written on here — it’s mostly because I’ve just been processing, trying to figure out what to say… and what not to. But what keeps coming to my mind is that I don’t have to wait until I have it all together to sit down and write. It’s ok to sit—broken, unsure—and write what I’m learning in the middle.
I like to have things “put together” — I’d prefer to share once I have the testimony from the “other side” with the happy ending, healed heart, and a bow to tie on top. I like having the lesson learned, but it’s hard to share when the lesson comes with pain or when I feel like the happy ending may never come? *okay, I’m being slightly dramatic……but I have felt that*
I’m learning to embrace sharing when I don’t have the pretty conclusion because life is kinda one big in-between: a wrestling between answered prayers and prayers not-yet answered. Holding joy in one hand and pain in the other. Balancing hurt and healing. Keeping a soft heart amidst hard circumstances. It’s living on earth, knowing heaven is my destination.
I know we’ve all been there — when pain makes it hard to believe that brighter days are coming and when it hurts to hope and feels more like heartbreak. Loss makes even sunny days feel dark.
But, if I’m learning anything, it’s that we’re not as alone as we feel or may think. While specific circumstances and details may be different, many can sympathize with the feelings and emotions of a broken heart. It’s so important to be honest with where you’re at, or else you cannot move forward. You can’t see the future if you keep your eyes closed in denial.
You can’t edit out the pain that comes with life. You can’t make it more comfortable, bearable or tolerable. You can’t choose when pain happens…or where, how, or with who. It has a tendency of blindsiding you. So much of it is out of your control and out of your hands.
But here’s the thing: we all want the lessons pain teaches, without experiencing it. Pain is a great teacher: it forces us to be honest, real, and vulnerable. If you allow it, pain causes you to grow and it strengthens you. Pain causes people to pause, give their attention, and listen; because it’s something we all have in common.
When I am broken and hurting I have felt Jesus nearest. He meant it when He told us that HE IS NEAR TO THE BROKEN HEARTED. Psalm 34:18 —
“The LORD is close to the brokenhearted
& saves those who are crushed in spirit.”
When we bring our hearts to Jesus — raw, broken, crushed, hurting, and humbled — He does something only His gentle hands can do: HE pieces us together.
“Blessed are those who mourn
for you shall be comforted”
– Matthew 5:4
We all know Jesus is a comforter. We want to experience His comfort, but how many of us want to mourn? I know it’s something that I wouldn’t choose voluntarily, but mourning is a qualification for experiencing His comfort. *ouch* Too often I walk around wanting to push the pain aside; keeping my eyes ahead, moving forward, not acknowledging what could make me cry at any minute… I don’t want to mourn. I don’t want to talk about my disappointments, how I’ve been a disappointment to myself and to others. I don’t want to share the cries of my heart that only Jesus hears. I don’t want to go there… because I’m afraid of staying there. But, just like Jesus says, when we mourn: He comforts. It’s promised so I don’t have to be afraid!! There is never a moment I will mourn that I won’t ALSO experience His comfort. I don’t ever have to fear being left alone — because He comes and sits next to me and tells me that He’s gonna carry me thru to the other side and promises to comfort me. For as long as I have to mourn, that’s how long He’ll comfort.
This verses tells us “blessed are those who mourn,” but honestly, I consider myself anything but blessed when I’m mourning… in a day of social media highlights, mourning is not often shared because it makes people uncomfortable; it isn’t pretty or “aesthetic.” But I believe the blessing comes because those who are mourning experience Jesus’ nearness in a way they never would have without the tears. And then you have the blessing of being able to comfort others who are mourning. How good is our heavenly Father that He comforts and blesses us when we feel undesirable, unseen, and unlovable?! And then He teaches us how to do the same.
“Praise be to the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of compassion and the God of all comfort, who comforts us in all our troubles, so that we can comfort those in any trouble with the comfort we ourselves receive from God. For just as we share abundantly in the sufferings of Christ, so also our comfort abounds through Christ.” – 1 Corinthians 1:3-5
It took me a long time to realize that hurt is frequently unavoidable. I thought I was supposed to avoid hurt with everything in me and, if I was hurt, it was the result of something I did wrong. Because hurt means that you didn’t try hard enough, right? Which, don’t get me wrong, I have been hurt by my own sin and foolish decisions, but what about when you feel like you did all you could and things were going smoothly—until it wasn’t. Until you were blindsided and hurt. That’s the hardest lesson pain teaches—sometimes it’s a chapter in your story and there’s nothing you can do to edit or alter the ending. You can’t revise heartbreak, but it’s also not the end of the story.
Instead of looking at it as an end, you could also view it as a new beginning; an opportunity to heal and grow. Hard things have a way of exposing the places in our hearts that have been neglected and need to be mended. There have been situations where I’ve responded in ways I didn’t expect because my heart was harboring unresolved hurt or trauma I hadn’t healed from and surrendered to Jesus.
You cannot change what happened, but there is something you can do about how it impacts and shapes your future. You have a say in how you heal. You can allow Jesus to put the pieces of your heart back together.
So… here’s to healing and being honest. Here’s to walking thru the pain, uncertainty, and sharing unprocessed, incomplete thoughts while you’re feeling them, instead of waiting till you’re on the other side—because we’re all learning on this journey and none of us has it figured out!
